


Blame It On the Coffee

by Miss_Carmilla



Category: Glee
Genre: Drama, M/M, POV Blaine, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 20:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13509186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Carmilla/pseuds/Miss_Carmilla
Summary: Some viewers felt Kurt seemed reluctant to return Blaine's "I love you" at the end of season two. What if Blaine thought the same thing? Blaine's perspective on this and other events in his relationship with Kurt.  The sweet and fluffy first chapter can be read as a stand-alone.  After that the drama kicks in, but all ends happily!





	1. Your Eyes Are Like Stars Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> This is a repost from FFN of a story I wrote in 2011. It was only my second fic of any significant length, although it was originally conceived as a one-shot challenge to myself to write something from Blaine's perspective. It takes place a couple of hours after Kurt and Blaine's last scene in the "New York" episode (2x22).

Blaine waited until after they'd finished their coffee. After they'd gone to the music store. After he'd driven Kurt home. They were parked in the driveway, and Kurt was asking "Do you want to come in?" as he unfastened his seatbelt, and Blaine knew he had to say it then or he was never going to be able to say it.

"Kurt, we've always been honest with each other, right? Even when it's not easy?"

Kurt blushed. "Um, it's okay if you don't want to come in."

"No, I do, but that's not what I meant. I want to tell you something." Blaine took a deep breath. "I want you to know that you don't ever have to...exaggerate...to make me feel better. You can always tell me what you really think."

"I really do think you're going to get that job at Six Flags." Kurt reached over and gave Blaine's arm a little squeeze. "Your audition is going to be great, because you are amazing."

Blaine hadn't been fishing for compliments, but he wasn't going to throw one back. "Thanks, Kurt," he said. "I appreciate that. But that's not what I meant either. What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier."

Kurt just looked at him. Sometimes his face was so easy for Blaine to read, but other times, like now, it told him nothing. Was he angry? Sad? Embarrassed? The only hint was Kurt's slightly raised eyebrows. He was attentive, he was listening, but Blaine had no idea what he was thinking.

"I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that," Blaine said, desperate to fill the silence. "I didn't stop to think about how it would make you feel. I wasn't trying to push you."

"Blaine," Kurt said at last. "I really have no idea what you're talking about."

 _So much for subtlety_ , Blaine thought. "I don't want you to feel like you have to say that you love me if you don't mean it."

Incredibly, Kurt's face still gave nothing away. "Why do you think I didn't mean it?"

Blaine could think of a lot of reasons why Kurt wouldn't love him. Too many reasons. Should he try to guess? _I'm too selfish. I'm too stupid. I'm too short. You've been to New York now and you've realized that you can do better than me._ No, it was probably best to take the question literally and stick with the facts.

"Well, after I said that I loved you, you just sort of sat there. Then when you finally said it back I could tell you felt weird about it."

"I was _drinking_!"

Now it was Blaine's turn to just look at Kurt. He had spent the past two hours silently convincing himself that he could deal with this. They were young. They'd only been dating for a couple of months. He couldn't expect Kurt to be sure of his own feelings yet. Neither of them had ever even had a boyfriend before. Blaine had thought he was being very reasonable and mature about the whole thing. Had he actually been jumping to conclusions? It wouldn't be the first time.

"I had a mouth full of hot coffee, and out of nowhere you say you love me," Kurt continued. "I could have choked to death."

Blaine bit his lip to keep from smiling, because it wasn't right to smile when your boyfriend was talking about his own death. Still, he had never been happier to be wrong. He wanted to say "I love you" again, he wanted to hear Kurt say it back to him with no hot beverage induced hesitation, but he didn't want to come across as too needy.

Besides, Blaine knew banter when he heard it. "I don't think you would have choked to _death_ ," he replied with mock seriousness. "You probably could have managed to cough it up."

"That's almost as bad! I'd never get the stains out of this coat!"

"Yes, I noticed you were wearing white...a week before Memorial Day." Blaine shook his head. "I must say I'm surprised, and a little disappointed."

"Don't be so bourgeois, Blaine," Kurt said. "That rule is completely outdated."

"Bourgeois? Moi? You wound me."

"Anyway, this coat is clearly winter white."

"Oh? Let's see about that." He Blaine took Kurt's hand in his and bent over it, looking closely at the sleeve of his coat. Blaine of course knew perfectly well the coat was winter white, he wasn't _blind_ , but he made a show of rubbing the fabric between his fingers and squinting in concentration. Finally Blaine looked up at Kurt and said "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking."

Kurt's mouth twitched. "I wouldn't tell you something that wasn't true. You should know that."

"Please consider me most duly chastened." Blaine lifted Kurt's hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

"Just be sure you don't do it again." Kurt's eyes were sparkling. Blaine had once thought that sparkling eyes were merely a figure of speech, but he could swear that there were times when Kurt's eyes literally reflected additional light. "Now are you coming inside, or are we going to stay out here and shock the neighbors?"

This time Blaine didn't even try to hide his smile.


	2. Before You Met Me, I Was Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is where the real drama begins! They've cleared up the "I love you" misunderstanding, but Kurt has his own doubts about Blaine and wants some answers about Blaine's past behavior.
> 
> Some dialogue in this chapter is taken from episode 2x6, "Never Been Kissed".

**Now:**

Blaine sat down on the couch in Kurt's bedroom and watched his boyfriend put away his _winter_ white trench coat. This was something of a production. Kurt placed the coat on a hanger, hung it on the back of the door, brushed it off with a lint brush, and finally restored it to its proper place in his meticulously organized closet. Then he removed his black and white tie, rolled it up, and tucked it away in his necktie drawer.

Although he liked to tease Kurt for being crazy about clothes, Blaine had to admit his wardrobe was truly awe-inspiring. It was even more impressive for having been put together on a budget. Kurt was a veteran bargain shopper and did his own alterations. Blaine liked to go shopping and he liked to dress well, but he didn't share Kurt's dedication to fashion as a form of creative self-expression. Blaine didn't even mind wearing a uniform on school days. He secretly thought he looked rather dapper in it. For Kurt, wearing the same outfit five days a week had been stifling.

Kurt was standing in front of him now. "Do you want me to hang this up for you?" he asked, fingering the collar of Blaine's cardigan.

Blaine grinned up at him. "Trying to get me out of my clothes, Mr. Hummel?"

"You can call me Kurt. Mr. Hummel is my father's name," Kurt said, slipping onto the couch next to him. "Who, I'll remind you, is right downstairs. So be good."

Blaine looked at Kurt, and the only thing he could think to say was "I will be so good."

Not his smoothest line ever, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter at all, because suddenly Kurt's lips were pressed against his, soft but insistent. Blaine's heart was pounding as he slid his arms around Kurt and pulled him closer. This was what he had been looking forward to all day. All day for days, since their last, hurried good-bye kiss the night before Kurt left for New York.

They didn't have to hurry now, and yet Kurt was kissing him with almost frantic urgency, as if afraid they were about to be separated again. Maybe he was worried about being interrupted by his father. As embarrassing as that would be, Blaine found himself unable to devote much thought to the subject. It was difficult to think about much of anything with Kurt digging his fingers into Blaine's shoulder and sucking so hard on Blaine's lower lip that it would have hurt if it didn't feel so good.

Blaine wasn't sure what had gotten into Kurt, but he wasn't complaining. _I won't be denied by you, the animal inside of you..._

When they finally came up for air, Kurt's eyes were sparkling again. His cheeks were flushed and his pink lips were still slightly parted.

"You're so beautiful," Blaine said softly.

Much to his surprise, this was apparently the wrong thing to say. Kurt turned away with a sigh.

"Baby, what is it?" Blaine knew it couldn't be hot coffee this time.

Kurt was staring down at his own hands. "Weren't you just talking about how important it is for us to be honest with each other and not say things we don't mean to make the other one feel better?"

"You are beautiful. I mean it."

Kurt jumped up and paced over to his bookcase. He drummed his fingers on one of the shelves. Then he stopped and turned back to look at Blaine. "So when you told me I wasn't sexy enough for a _show choir competition_ , did you mean _that_?"

It took a moment for Blaine to realize what Kurt was talking about. How long had it been since they had sat in front of Kurt's mirror practicing their sexy faces? That was before Regionals. Before their first kiss. Months ago. Ages ago. "I don't think that's exactly what I said."

"It's what you thought though, isn't it?" Kurt folded his arms across his chest. "You thought I was so ridiculously unattractive that I was going to embarrass you."

"That's not true. I thought you were cute." Blaine remembered a pale, lost looking boy standing on the staircase under the skylight. "I always thought you were cute."

* * *

**Then:**

"Excuse me! Hi! Can I ask you a question? I'm new here."

Blaine would later wish he could claim that it had been love at first sight. That he'd turned and looked up at Kurt standing on the stairs and had _known_. But he hadn't.

He had thought the other boy was cute, although he looked a little young for Blaine. Probably a freshman. He was wearing a black blazer with a red tie. Very sharp but obviously not a Dalton uniform, especially not with the knee-high boots, and thus not a Dalton student no matter what he said.

Blaine weighed the possibilities as he politely introduced himself to the other boy. Kurt might be a prospective student who wanted to see Dalton without the formality of an official visit. Blaine could understand wanting to scope the place out sans parents.

His own official visit had not been fun. He'd been worried that people were going to ask about the stitches on his forehead, and wasn't sure if it made things better or worse that most of the guys they encountered were more interested in checking out Blaine's mom. Who looked young, but not _that_ young. Meanwhile, Blaine's dad had been too busy checking his Blackberry to notice much of anything. As usual.

"So what exactly is going on?" Kurt asked, as Dalton students continued to stream past him on the stairs.

"The Warblers!" Blaine was always happy to talk about his choir, yet for some reason he hesitated to reveal that he was a Warbler himself. "Every now and then they throw an impromptu performance in the senior commons. It tends to shut the school down for a while."

Kurt seemed puzzled. "So wait, the glee club here is kind of cool?" A strange question, Blaine thought. Strange that he knew the Warblers were a glee club when Blaine hadn't said that they were, and even stranger to be so interested in their status at Dalton.

"The Warblers are like...rock stars!" It was true that the Warblers were admired by their classmates, but Blaine was also developing a theory as to why Kurt was so curious about them. If he was right, he wanted to make sure Kurt knew the Warblers were serious contenders.

Competition for the 2011 Midwest Regional Show Choir Championship was expected to be fierce. Five-time champions Vocal Adrenaline had been redistricted to the Mid-Atlantic region, where they would almost certainly continue their winning streak. Rumor had it they had brought in a powerhouse mezzo-soprano from the Philippines to serve as their new lead soloist. ("I wonder if she's as hot as Blaine's mom," Nick had said. "Shut up," Blaine had said. "Yeah dude, not cool. There's no way she's as hot as Mrs. Anderson," Jeff had said.) That was something for the show choirs of Pennsylvania and Delaware to worry about, though. West of Akron, the field was open. The Warblers had a real shot at winning Regionals for the first time in years.

They had to win Sectionals first though, and that was just a few weeks away. It would be their first competitive event since Blaine had transferred to Dalton, as the Warblers had been unable to perform in competition at all during the 2009-2010 school year. A particularly virulent flu had swept through the dorms that fall, right before Sectionals. With fewer than twelve members left healthy enough to compete, the Council had no choice but to withdraw. The Warblers had kept busy in the spring by performing at the Crawford County Day School Invitationals, several nursing homes, and the Dalton Academy graduation ceremony, but their absence from Sectionals meant they'd been shut out of the 2010 Regionals.

Things were going to be different this year. Everyone was in good health, and they had even more new members than they'd needed to replace those who had graduated last spring. The Council was confident that the Warblers were going to be better than ever. They were going to make it to Regionals, maybe even to Nationals. The Warblers had been primarily a stool choir in the past, but David had insisted that they work on more complicated choreography. "This year, we're going to have _moves_!"

"We'll also have a secret weapon," Thad had said. "Warbler Blaine!" All the guys had clapped. That had been the first time Blaine felt certain there were no hard feelings about his position as lead soloist. He'd been chosen over some guys who'd been in the Warblers longer, guys who'd been at Dalton since they were freshmen. Blaine had worried that there might be some resentment. Now he knew that everyone really thought he deserved it.

With all due modesty, Blaine agreed that he was good. Good enough that other show choirs in the area might want to check out what he could do before Sectionals. It did seem like an awfully big coincidence that a boy posing as a transfer student would just so happen to run into the Warblers' promising new soloist right before one of their informal student-only performances.

The timing wasn't the only thing that made Blaine suspect that Kurt was a spy. Blaine's sexual orientation was no secret, not anymore. Kurt's didn't seem to be either. He was definitely pinging Blaine's gaydar. He was probably pinging the gaydar of people several blocks away. And was he perhaps a little too eager to take Blaine's hand? Did he cling a little tighter than necessary as they ran through the halls? By the time they reached the door of the senior commons, Blaine was sure of it. Some other choir had sent this sweet young thing after him. Classic honeypot trap.

In that case, he figured he might as well give Kurt something interesting to put in the reconnaissance report. If the other boy left feeling...conflicted...well, so much the better for the Warblers. Blaine believed in good sportsmanship and didn't fancy himself a _homme fatale_ , but there was no harm in adjusting someone's lapel and giving him a little wink and a big smile, was there?

That particular song was perhaps laying it on a bit thick, but "Teenage Dream" was what the Warblers been rehearsing. And they'd _killed_ it. Blaine felt confident that the Warblers had given the competition something to sweat about.

Yet Kurt didn't seem worried at all. He had looked a little nervous at first, but by the end of the song he was grinning like a kid at Christmas. Unless this boy was good, like Oscar-caliber good, at playing the ingénue, there was something other than glee club rivalry behind his visit.

Blaine had a pretty good idea what that might be.

Kurt managed to slip away before Blaine could speak to him again, but he was back at Dalton the following afternoon. Blaine found him lurking outside the study lounge. He was, if anything, dressed even more conspicuously than before in an all-gray outfit.

"Hi Kurt, I was wondering if I'd see you today."

"Oh, hi Blaine," said Kurt, looking like a squirrel that was trying to decide which way to run.

"Forgot your uniform again, huh?" Blaine asked. He threw an arm around Kurt's shoulders before he could make a break for it. "Since you were so interested in the Warblers, I thought I'd introduce you to some of our senior members. I told them all about you."

He half led, half dragged Kurt into the lounge. He'd seen Wes and David there a few minutes ago, and found them still drinking their coffee. Blaine quickly fetched two more cups for himself and Kurt from the pot in the corner. He usually avoided the study lounge coffee, which was of notoriously inconsistent quality, but it was convenient.

Kurt apparently realized there was no point in denials. "It's very civilized of you to invite me for coffee before you beat me up for spying."

"We are not going to beat you up," Wes said.

"You were such a terrible spy, we thought it was sort of...endearing," David added.

Blaine took a sip of his thoroughly mediocre coffee. "Which made me think that spying on us wasn't really the reason you came," he said with a smile.

He felt proud of his deductive abilities when Kurt immediately asked if they were all gay. Hearing David explain Dalton's non-harassment policy made Blaine feel proud of his school, too. Plenty of schools claimed that they didn't tolerate bullying. At Dalton it was actually true.

"Everybody gets treated the same, no matter what they are," Wes said. "It's pretty simple."

That was when Kurt started to cry.

Blaine knew, even better than Wes or David, that it wasn't always that simple. Not for people like him and Kurt. He asked the other two Warblers to leave them alone to talk.

As soon as he heard what Kurt was going through at McKinley, Blaine decided to take the other boy under his wing. Kurt reminded him so much of himself two years ago. He hadn't had anyone to look out for him or give him advice, but he could be that kind of friend for Kurt. More than a friend, a mentor.

Even after he found out that Kurt was actually a junior, Blaine still thought of himself as the older, wiser partner in their relationship.

He would later curse himself for being such a smug jackass.

Blaine had failed to fully appreciate many of Kurt's best qualities for a long time. He hadn't realized how talented he was, how compassionate, or how strong. But he could honestly say he'd thought Kurt was cute from the very beginning.


	3. All These Illusions Take Us Too Long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out to be a lot more difficult than I expected. There are flashbacks within the flashback, but while it was tricky to write I hope it is all clear to the reader. Your reviews are, as always, very welcome.
> 
> As a warning, this chapter contains some descriptions of violence, but it is all in the past and is not graphic.
> 
> Some dialogue in this chapter is taken from episode 2x12, "Silly Love Songs". Although this story is not set in CP Coulter's Daltonverse, I have borrowed her name for one of the minor Warblers. "Logan" is the blond Warbler who isn't Jeff.

**Now:**

"I always thought you were cute."

"Cute but not hot, right?" Kurt snapped.

"Kurt, I am very, very attracted to you. Would I want to do what we were doing a minute ago if I wasn't?" In fact, Blaine would have been happy to get back to what they'd been doing a minute ago.

"Maybe you're just horny."

"That too." He could hardly pretend that he wasn't. "But not for just anyone. For you."

Kurt sat down on the corner of his bed, across from where Blaine was sitting on the couch. "So, what made you decide I was sexy?"

"It's not something I decided."

"I know you didn't think I was sexy three months ago. What changed?"

"I just didn't think about you that way then." Blaine shrugged. "We were friends."

"Don't give me that. You thought about me that way long enough to decide I was so _not_ sexy that I needed special coaching before Regionals."

"Kurt, everything I said when we were working on 'Animal' was about the routine. It was just too much. I mean, you were doing Lady Gaga hands and everything."

"They're called monster claws," said Kurt.

"Monster claws, okay. Does that sound sexy?"

"Lady Gaga is sexy."

"Lady Gaga is _scary_."

"Blaine, if you're going to insult Lady Gaga then there's no point continuing this conversation."

That sounded like banter again, but Blaine decided not to push his luck. Kurt could be a little defensive about Lady Gaga even when he was in a good mood. "Sorry. Let's just say I was looking for something a little less…theatrical than Lady Gaga for Regionals. Sexy in a more natural way. I knew you could do it because you did such a good job when you helped me rehearse 'Baby It's Cold Outside'. You were really convincing."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I was convincing because I was already in love with you, stupid."

"I didn't know." And he hadn't. He hadn't had any idea.

"You didn't care."

Blaine leaned forward and put his hand on Kurt's knee. "I cared about you so much, Kurt. I just wasn't ready to be in a relationship yet."

Kurt brushed his hand away. "You mean you weren't ready to be in a relationship with _me_. You were ready for what's-his-name at The Gap way back in February."

* * *

**Then:**

As Valentine's Day approached, Blaine reflected on how much he'd grown up since he'd been at Dalton. He wasn't the naïve fifteen year-old who'd transferred because he couldn't face another day at in the public school system. He was popular, he was sophisticated, and he was ready for a real relationship.

That was what he'd thought, at least.

Ironically, it was Blaine's friendship with Kurt that made him decide that it was time to find a boyfriend. He and Kurt had such a good time together. Blaine had plenty of friends at Dalton, but it was nice not to have to hold anything back for a change. To be able to touch Kurt's hand or give him a friendly shoulder rub and know that it wouldn't make him uncomfortable. To be able to talk about men's fashion, or Broadway shows, or the end of Don't Ask, Don't Tell as much as he liked, without having to worry about boring a straight friend with too much "gay stuff".

As much as he enjoyed spending time with Kurt, Blaine figured it would be even better to have a boyfriend too. Someone to do all the things with that he did with Kurt, plus all the things he _didn't_ do with Kurt. Someone a little older, preferably. Someone with experience. More experience than Blaine, at least. Not that it would take much.

He met Jeremiah while checking out the big after Christmas sale at The Gap. Blaine was holding up a burgundy cardigan when he heard someone say "That color would be great on you."

Blaine turned and standing there was one of the hottest guys he'd ever seen. He was just Blaine's type, too: tall, slim, blue eyes. His nametag said "Jeremiah", which Blaine suddenly felt was the coolest name in the world.

"I used to have one like this, but I lent it to my roommate and he managed to spill coffee all over it," Blaine said.

"Well, if you want a replacement, these are 75% off." God, he was gorgeous. "You can't do better than that."

Normally Blaine would have agreed, but he could think of things a lot better than a discounted sweater right now. "Do you really think it's a good color for me?" he asked, in a shameless attempt to draw out the conversation.

"With your complexion? Yeah, definitely," Jeremiah said. "It would wash me right out."

Blaine decided to go for it. "I don't know, I think you could make it work," he said with his best sell-it-to-the-judges smile. "My name's Blaine, by the way. I hate to keep bothering you during your shift, but would you like to grab a cup of coffee when you're done? My treat."

"Okay, sure." Jeremiah smiled, and Blaine wondered why The Gap was wasting him as an assistant manager when he could be one of their models. "I get off at six."

Much, much later Blaine realized that Jeremiah never would have agreed to go for coffee in the first place if he'd known Blaine was still in high school. When Blaine mentioned Dalton at Starbucks later that evening, Jeremiah said "Oh, you go to that boarding school. When you said you had a roommate, I thought you were in college or something. I guess I'm a lot older than you are."

It didn't occur to Blaine at the time that this was Jeremiah's gentle way of saying "Don't get your hopes up, jailbait." Blaine had quipped "Maybe we should have asked for a senior discount," and Jeremiah smiled again, probably thinking that Blaine had understood.

He hadn't understood anything. He'd have coffee with Jeremiah for the second (and last) time at the beginning of February and go on to get him fired right before Valentine's Day. All for the sake of a romance that only existed in Blaine's head. He had been infatuated with someone who wasn't merely uninterested but who thought of him as a _kid_.

"Blaine, let's just be clear here," Jeremiah said outside the mall. "You and I got coffee twice. We're not dating. And if we were I'd get arrested, because you're underage."

He didn't even raise his voice. He smiled and patted Blaine on the shoulder before he walked away. Why did he have to be so nice? It might have been easier if Blaine could have accused Jeremiah of overreacting, but he couldn't.

Blaine had no one to blame but himself. He could have just written Jeremiah a note or something, but no. He had to make a spectacle of himself. Worse, he'd dragged the Warblers into it. He'd persuaded them to break with over eighty years of tradition to help him serenade someone they'd never even met. For their reward, they got to witness Blaine's epic humiliation and be threatened with a ban from The Gap if they didn't leave immediately.

That wasn't even the worst part. The worst part came the next day, when he discovered that he'd been leading Kurt on the entire time.

Blaine had been complaining about the Valentine's Day decorations in the Lima Bean and berating himself for being such an idiot about Jeremiah when Kurt cut in. "You and I, we hang out, we sing flirty duets together, you know my coffee order. Was I supposed to think that that was nothing?"

Even then Blaine hadn't gotten it. "What do you mean?" He'd thought that maybe Kurt was upset because they were such good friends and yet Blaine hadn't confided in him about Jeremiah sooner.

Kurt could barely look him in the eye. "I thought the guy that you wanted to ask out on Valentine's Day...was me."

Blaine hadn't expected this at all. He knew he wasn't Kurt's type. That first time he'd taken Kurt out to lunch, after their less than successful confrontation with Karofsky, Kurt had mentioned that he had a thing for football players.

"Why did it have to be _Karofsky_?" he'd said, stabbing at his Greek salad. "All those times I wished that some nice, hot football player might turn out to be secretly gay, but no. It's got to be the biggest, meanest, ugliest, dumbest, _hypocrite_ of them all. Why couldn't it have been Sam, or...someone like that?"

"Who's Sam?"

Kurt blushed. "Just this guy in my glee club. When I first met him I was sure he was gay. I guess it was mostly wishful thinking. He's got a girlfriend now. He does bleach his hair though, even if he won't admit it." He paused long enough to pop an olive into his mouth. "Anyway, he's a really sweet guy, kind of a dork, but really, um, good-looking. He was Rocky in our production of _The Rocky Horror Show_."

"Wait, you did _Rocky Horror_?" Blaine was astonished. "Like, at school?"

"Yeah, it was going to be the official fall musical," Kurt said with a grin. "It was Mr. Schuester's idea. Things got kind of crazy though, and it was cancelled. We only did one performance, for ourselves."

Blaine had insisted on hearing the whole story, partially out of curiosity and partially because it seemed to cheer Kurt up. They didn't discuss hunky football players again, but Blaine thought he understood what sort of guy Kurt liked. Seeing Sam Evans perform at Sectionals confirmed it. Kurt went for tall, athletic guys, preferably with blond hair.

There were plenty of guys like that at Dalton. At least one was gay, although Blaine hoped Kurt wouldn't get involved with Logan. Not that Blaine had anything against Logan. Not really. He just didn't seem right for Kurt. Too quiet. Too WASP-y. Still, there were other guys out there. Kurt was so cute and funny, Blaine was sure he'd be able to find someone.

Aside from being the opposite of tall, athletic, and blond, Blaine hadn't considered himself as a potential love interest for Kurt because of the special nature of their friendship. He wasn't going to take advantage of a boy who looked up to him.

Who he'd encouraged to look up to him.

Who he'd encouraged to look up to him even though it was becoming increasingly obvious that Blaine's judgment could not be trusted.

Blaine had only had coffee with Jeremiah twice and he'd thought that meant something. He'd had coffee with Kurt tons of times. He'd bought Kurt lunch when they'd only known each other for a couple of days. He'd taken Kurt to see _Rent_. He'd assumed Kurt knew he was just being friendly, but he should have seen how easily it could all be misinterpreted.

As soon as Kurt told him he'd been expecting Blaine to ask him out on Valentine's Day, Blaine knew he had to reject him. It was the only decent thing to do.

He told Kurt the truth as best he could. "I really am clueless...I don't know what I'm doing. I pretend like I do...I'm not very good at romance. I don't want to screw this up."

What he didn't say, not out loud at least, was "Maybe I'm not meant to have a boyfriend. Maybe I'm just bad luck." Because the Gap Attack wasn't the first time Blaine's romantic ideas had led to disaster. It wasn't even the worst. Jeremiah had lost his job, but at least he'd been able to walk away. Isaac hadn't been so lucky.

Isaac hadn't been a particularly close friend, they mostly knew each other from English class, but he was the only other out guy Blaine had known at his old school. He was the first person Blaine had ever seen in real life wearing a freedom ring necklace. He wore it every day. Sometimes Blaine would notice him absentmindedly hooking his fingers through the different colored rings, or sliding them back and forth on their chain.

Blaine had thought it would be fun for them to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance together. To have a real date. To show everyone that they weren't ashamed of what they were. That the gossip and insults weren't going to stop them from doing all the regular teenage stuff that other kids did. Isaac thought it was a great idea. "Oh my God, should I buy a dress?" he laughed. "This is going to be hilarious."

Blaine didn't like to think about that night. He did his best not to think about that night. There was no point thinking about that night, because it couldn't be changed and he was never going back to that school again.

When he did think about it, when he couldn't help but think about it, he would wonder if he would've been better off getting his head slammed into a brick wall too. The concussion had left Isaac with no memory of the attack. "It was like I fell asleep dancing and woke up feeling like hell," Isaac told him later, when he asked Blaine to explain what had happened. "I didn't even know where I was."

Blaine would have preferred not to talk about it, but Isaac deserved to know that it wasn't a fair fight. It was three against two and the other guys were so big. They were so much bigger than Blaine and Isaac. They ran off after Isaac finally slumped to the ground, probably because they thought they had killed him. Some girls started screaming and one of the chaperones finally came outside, too late to do anything but call an ambulance on her cell phone.

The paramedics insisted on taking Blaine in the ambulance with Isaac, although he'd kept saying "Just let me go home. I want to go home." Blaine wasn't hurt that badly. He had some bruises, a cut on his forehead, and a cracked rib. The cut bled a lot but wasn't deep. It only needed a couple of stitches. It didn't even leave a scar. The cracked rib hurt like crazy and kept Blaine from singing for a few weeks, but that was the worst of his injuries. He didn't have a broken arm like Isaac. He didn't have a ruptured eardrum and a black eye and a busted lip like Isaac.

Isaac did not ask, and Blaine did not know, why they had gone harder on him. Maybe it was because Isaac was more flamboyant. Or maybe it was because he'd kept trying to get up again. Once Blaine hit the ground he'd stayed down.

He'd stayed down for a long time, in a way. Even after he was at Dalton and felt safe in his day to day life, Blaine had been reluctant to get involved with anyone romantically. Contrary to rumor Dalton didn't actually have that many gay students, but there were a few. Blaine had made a conscious choice not to pursue any of them.

He wasn't going to pursue Kurt, either. Especially not Kurt. As the Gap Attack incident had reminded him, there were too many things that could go wrong.

Fortunately, Kurt took the rejection well. He took it so well that Blaine figured he couldn't have been that interested to begin with. After all, Kurt had only said that he'd thought Blaine was going to ask him out for Valentine's Day, not that he'd _wanted_ Blaine to ask him out for Valentine's Day. It had all been a misunderstanding. They were just friends.


	4. Don't You Want Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who has read my other stories, this chapter will mark the first "on screen" appearance of Blaine's roommate. He has been mentioned briefly in both my previous stories but hasn't played any role until now.
> 
> Some dialogue in this chapter is taken from episode 2x14, "Blame It On the Alcohol".

**Now:**

"You mean you weren't ready to be in a relationship with _me_. You were ready for what's-his-name at The Gap way back in February."

"I _thought_ I was ready for a relationship. I was very, very wrong." Blaine sighed. "Do we have to talk about this now? Nothing even happened with Jeremiah."

"It wasn't just him though, was it?" Kurt asked. "What about Rachel? Don't try to tell me that was nothing. I got to watch you slobber all over her."

Blaine didn't understand why Kurt kept bringing up things that had happened months ago. It was like he was determined to have a fight. "Look, I was going through a bad time and I wasn't making good decisions."

* * *

**Then:**

Blaine had been determined to have fun at Rachel's party. He needed to have fun. Rehearsals for and the actual performance of the Warblers' "Lonely Hearts Club" show at Breadstix had kept him going through Valentine's Day, but since then he'd had little to distract him from thoughts of what a stupid, miserable loser he was. He spent most of his free time moping in his room.

Even his roommate Tyler, who was a nice enough guy but unlikely to win any awards for perceptiveness or sensitivity, had noticed that something was wrong. He was packing up his lacrosse gear one afternoon when he suddenly turned to Blaine and asked "Hey, did you lose your choir thing?"

Blaine sighed. "That's not until next month."

"Oh." Tyler scratched his neck. "Did Kurt break up with you?"

"What? I'm not dating Kurt."

"Because he broke up with you?"

"No! I was never dating Kurt! We're just friends."

"Sorry." Tyler found his gloves under the bed threw them into his bag. "It's just that Kurt hasn't been around lately, and I was wondering if that was why you were being all emo."

"I am not being emo."

"Okay dude, whatever." He zipped up his bag and grabbed his lacrosse stick. "I've got to get down to the field. You're not going to kill yourself or anything while I'm gone, are you?"

"I'm fine, Tyler. Really." Blaine forced a smile. "I've been feeling a little down, but it's not a big deal. I'm actually going to a party with Kurt on Saturday." Blaine hadn't seen much of Kurt over the past few days, but he had taken this invitation to mean that there were no hard feelings over the whole Jeremiah thing.

"Sounds awesome."

As it turned out, the party started off more awkward than awesome. Blaine had accepted Kurt's invitation without realizing that Kurt himself had not technically been invited. They followed Finn into Rachel's house and were greeted with a polite but strained "Kurt, Blaine, I wasn't expecting you guys."

"Kurt's been blackmailing me ever since he saw my browser history," Finn said. "He kind of insisted on coming."

Blaine understood that Rachel would be concerned about having the Warblers' lead soloist at a New Directions party so close to Regionals. "I'm totally off the clock right now, Rachel. I'm not a Warbler, I'm just Blaine. I'm not even wearing my uniform."

He had carefully selected a casual outfit for the party, although once he got a good look at what Rachel was wearing Blaine wondered if he should have worn a costume instead. She had on a lacey sea foam green maxi dress, so this was probably supposed to be some sort of Seventies theme party. Looking around the basement Blaine didn't see anyone else in vintage clothes, so he figured he was okay with what he was wearing. He felt kind of bad for Rachel, though. It must suck to plan a theme and have all your guests ignore it.

He felt even worse for Rachel when people started to leave almost as soon as they'd arrived. To be honest, he also felt bad for himself. Blaine wanted this to be a good party. He didn't want to go back to his dorm and stare at the wall until Tyler put him under suicide watch. Fortunately, Rachel agreed to abandon her drink ticket plan and bust open the liquor cabinet. Someone cranked up the music, and before long everybody was drinking and dancing.

Blaine hadn't planned to have more than a couple of drinks, but after his first game of Quarters it was hard to keep track. Drinking also gave him something to do while Kurt was talking to other people. Blaine had met all of the New Directions members at Sectionals and the football championship, but he'd really only hung out with Mercedes, Tina, Rachel, and Finn before. He wasn't even sure of some of the other people's names. Blaine wasn't shy, it was just weird being at a party where everyone else knew each other a lot better than they knew him.

They all seemed friendly, though. Puck slapped him on the back, poured him a big rum and Coke, and said "This is how we do it in Lima!" Blaine and Kurt danced in a group with Mercedes, Tina, and Tina's boyfriend Mike. Aside from being a fantastic dancer, Mike was a really funny guy. He kept telling hilarious jokes that Blaine would struggle to remember later. After a while Tina and Mike started kissing and Mercedes and Kurt went off to talk in the corner, leaving Blaine to dance by himself.

He wasn't alone for long. One of the blonde girls (Quinn? Brittany?) threw her arms around his neck and said "You look like a puppy."

"Thanks. You look like a girl," Blaine replied, because this seemed like a clever thing to say.

"Do you play Quidditch?" she asked. "Because that would be so hot."

Blaine wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly over the music. Maybe she'd asked if he played cribbage, although it was hard to believe anyone would find that sexy. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Do you play Quidditch?" she repeated. "I bet you're a Seeker, because you're small. Are there cheerleaders for Quidditch? I used to be a cheerleader, but Coach Sylvester wanted to explode me so I quit. Is Kurt your cheerleader? He can sing in French. I don't know how to do that, but I can kiss in French."

It would have been difficult for Blaine to come up with a response to this even if he'd been stone cold sober. The best he could manage under the circumstances was "Uh huh?" At least he was pretty certain which of the blonde girls she was now. Quinn was blonde, but Brittany was _really_ blonde.

Her identity was confirmed when Artie rolled up and said "There's my girl!" The color-coded chart that Kurt had prepared for Blaine before the party indicated that Artie and Brittany were a couple.

Brittany squealed "There's my boy!" and leaned over to kiss Artie. This did indeed appear to be a kiss of the French variety. Blaine decided he'd leave them to it. He didn't see Kurt around, so he went to get another drink. He flopped down on one of the couches, sipping his rum and Coke and bobbing his head to the music.

"Hey there, Eyebrows Mc...Hairgel," said a voice right beside him. He turned and saw the Hispanic girl leaning on the arm of the couch. He remembered her name was Santana, like the band. "How's everything with the Wankers?"

"Warblers. I'm a Warbler." Kurt had warned him that Santana could be a little abrasive. "Evil" was the actual word he had used, but Kurt also thought cargo shorts were evil so Blaine wasn't sure how concerned he should be.

"Well Mister Warbler, I've got a question for you. About your school." She paused, and Blaine wondered if this was going to be Hogwarts related. "Is it true that all the guys there are gay?"

Blaine laughed. "I wish. There's not really that many of us."

"But you don't get beat up or anything? No one makes fun of you?"

"Nah, everyone's cool."

Santana leaned closer and lowered her voice. "Is there a school like that for girls?"

"We've got a sister school, Crawford County Day."

"All the way in Crawford County?" She seemed disappointed.

"Yeah. Why, are you interested?"

"No! I was just curious. Hey, whaddaya think of my boyfriend?" She pointed at Sam, who was still playing Quarters. "He's hot, huh? Hotter than Puck, right?" Blaine felt something warm drip onto his shoulder. He thought for a second that Santana was literally drooling over her boyfriend. Then he looked at her and saw that she was crying.

"Totally hot," Blaine agreed, since this seemed the polite thing to do. Santana wiped her face on her sleeve and stumbled off to join Sam. Blaine saw her grab him by the shirt and kiss him.

Actually, Blaine didn't think Sam was all that hot. He was just your typical tall, gorgeous football player, like practically every other guy at this party. Even Artie was somehow a football player. Kurt apparently didn't even know any guys at McKinley who weren't football players. All these great big football players had someone to kiss tonight, except maybe Finn. His status with Quinn had been marked in yellow for "uncertain" on Kurt's chart. Guys like Finn probably didn't stay single for long, though.

Blaine shook his head. He could have stayed at Dalton if he wanted to sit around and think depressing thoughts about how easy things were for tall, gorgeous straight guys. That was not going to bother him tonight. Nothing was going to bother him, because this was a _party_ and he was _partying_. He drained his cup and went back to the bar to pour himself another rum and Coke, without the Coke.

After that things got kind of blurry. Blaine was feeling good, though. He told one of Mike's jokes to Rachel, and she laughed really hard even though he couldn't remember how it was supposed to end. He saw Santana do a body shot off Brittany, which was the sort of thing he'd only seen on MTV Spring Break before. He danced and he knew his moves were awesome.

He was dancing when he noticed Kurt talking to Finn. Blaine thought Finn looked sad, maybe because he didn't have a girlfriend despite being really tall. It was good that Finn had Kurt to talk to. Kurt was a really sweet guy. Blaine decided to help cheer Finn up. "Hey! It's so cool that you and Kurt are brothers! Right? Brothers! Wow! You're so tall!"

"You having fun, Blaine?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah! This is the best party ever!" He threw his arm around Kurt and they almost fell over, which was hilarious because Blaine wasn't even drunk. He knew he wasn't drunk because if he were drunk he'd know that he was drunk.

He was trying to explain this to Kurt when Rachel got up on the stage and called for a game of Spin the Bottle. This seemed like an excellent idea to Blaine, because he really wanted to kiss someone. He hadn't kissed anyone on Valentine's Day. But there was no way he wasn't getting kissed tonight if they played Spin the Bottle. That was the rule. You didn't get to pick who you kissed, but you got to kiss them for sure.

Rachel wouldn't have been his first choice, but Blaine didn't feel disappointed to see her crawling towards him. "Blaine Warbler," she slurred. "I'm gonna rock your world."

And she did. Blaine had never been kissed by a girl before, but it was better than he'd expected. Surprisingly good, really. Someone was chanting "Deep, deep, deep!" and people were clapping and he didn't want to disappoint them, or Rachel, so he kissed her back as hard as he could.

"Your face...tastes awesome," Rachel said. Blaine was glad his face tasted awesome. "I think I just found a new duet partner!"

This was the best idea Blaine had heard all night. Better than Spin the Bottle, even. Singing was his favorite thing and he'd wanted to try out Rachel's stage the moment he saw it. She cued up Human League's "Don't You Want Me" on her karaoke machine, an awesome Eighties song that Blaine totally knew. He started singing, and Rachel joined in. She was such a good singer and they sounded great together. It was so much fun to sing and dance with Rachel.

That was the last thing Blaine remembered about the party.


	5. You Think You've Changed Your Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue in this chapter is taken from episode 2x14, "Blame It On the Alcohol".

**Now:**

"Look, I was going through a bad time and I wasn't making good decisions."

"I'll say," Kurt muttered.

"I'm sorry, but we weren't even dating then," said Blaine. "I did have the right to do things with other people."

"Why did it have to be Rachel?" Kurt's face was flushed and his eyes looked wet. He wasn't quite crying yet, but he was close. "Out of all the girls in the world, why did it have to be Rachel?"

"What difference does it make?" Blaine asked. "Would you feel better about it now if it had been Mercedes, or Quinn?"

"Yes, I think I would."

"Why?"

Kurt sniffed, and a single tear spilled down his cheek. "Because Rachel Berry gets everything."

Blaine got up and sat beside Kurt on the bed. He put his hand on top of Kurt's, hoping he wouldn't be brushed away again. "She didn't get me," he said softly. "You did."

* * *

**Then:**

Blaine woke up feeling sweaty and disgusting, with a pounding headache. _It was like I fell asleep dancing and woke up feeling like hell. I didn't even know where I was._ For a brief but terrifying moment Blaine wondered if he was in the hospital, but this was obviously someone's bedroom. Kurt's bedroom. It had to be, because Kurt was there talking to his dad about something. The light was too bright and Blaine was so tired. He buried his head under a pillow and fell asleep again.

He wasn't sure how much later it was when he heard Kurt calling his name. "Blaine? Blaine, are you awake? You really need to get up now." Blaine sat up and rubbed his eyes. Kurt placed a plate and cup on the nightstand, saying "I figured you ought to eat something. Do you think you're okay to drive? Because it's probably best if you get back to Dalton soon."

"What happened?"

"You had _way_ too much to drink. I'll tell you about it later." Blaine must have looked as bad as he felt, because Kurt asked "Do you need some aspirin?"

"Yeah."

Kurt vanished downstairs. Blaine took stock of himself and determined that he was hung over but uninjured. He was also fully clothed. Socks and everything. That meant nothing had happened. Well, probably nothing had happened. He didn't _feel_ like anything had happened, but it was hard to be sure when you had a full-body headache.

He could think about it after he ate. He looked at the nightstand and saw that Kurt had brought him apple juice, toast, and a little bowl with some kind of soft boiled egg in it. Blaine didn't feel up to dealing with runny yolk at the moment, but toast seemed safe. When he finished that he ate a little of the egg white.

Kurt returned with a bottle of aspirin. "You can take two of these," he said, handing the bottle to Blaine.

He followed Kurt's instructions, washing the pills down with the whole cup of juice. Then, because he had to know, he asked "Um, Kurt, we didn't...do anything, did we?"

"Of course not." Kurt picked up the breakfast dishes with what seemed to Blaine like an unnecessary amount of clattering. "Now please, get out of here. Go down the back stairs. I'll deal with my dad. Your keys are in your shoe. Your shoes are by the couch." Then he was gone again.

Blaine made it back to campus and spent most of the afternoon drinking Gatorade and trying to concentrate on finishing _Crime and Punishment_ for his AP English class. It wasn't easy. Thinking about what had happened last night was a lot more interesting, albeit at least as difficult to understand. He finally decided he needed a straight guy's opinion.

"Hey Tyler, can I ask you something?"

His roommate didn't look up from his Chemistry textbook. "Your hair is fine, Blaine."

"No, I have an actual question. It's kind of personal."

Tyler put his book down. "Okay, shoot."

"What's it like to kiss a girl?"

Blaine was not amused when Tyler burst out laughing. "Oh my God," Tyler gasped. "That is so not what I was expecting!"

"It's not that funny."

"It is _hilarious_ , dude. I think I'm crying." He wiped his eyes with his fingertips. "Wow. All right, so you want to know about kissing girls? Like, my expert technique?"

"No, I was wondering how it feels. For a straight guy, I mean." Blaine felt he had to offer some explanation for his question, so he held up his copy of _Crime and Punishment_. "There's a part in here where the girl kisses the main guy, and I was wondering about it." This was not, strictly speaking, a lie. He really had been reading the scene where Sonia kisses Raskolnikov after he confesses about the murder.

"I dunno, it feels good. Like, really good." Tyler licked his lips. "Kind of soft and...good. I can't explain."

"No, that's fine," Blaine said. "I was just curious." He opened his book again and stared at the page, not reading anything. As far as he remembered, kissing Rachel had felt pretty good. It definitely had not felt bad. She had soft lips and her lip gloss tasted like strawberries.

Blaine knew that he liked guys. He had no doubts about that. But it had been a long time since he had given any thought to the question of whether he might like girls. Blaine had been at Dalton since he was a sophomore. He could go for days without even seeing any girls. So how could he be sure he didn't like them? Maybe his father had been at least partially right after all. Maybe he really just hadn't met the right girl yet. Not that Rachel was necessarily the right girl, he didn't know her that well and he wasn't going to make another mistake like he had with Jeremiah, but this was an area where Blaine felt he could benefit from more experience.

He did not foresee that this would be so upsetting to Kurt, although maybe he should have. After all, he had set himself up as Kurt's out and proud mentor. But since the Gap Attack incident he'd felt that Kurt quite understandably did not look up to him anymore. When they went to the Lima Bean on Monday afternoon Kurt started giving Blaine a hard time about getting drunk at the party, and it struck Blaine that Kurt might actually now look _down_ on him.

"You spent the entire night sucking Rachel Berry's face. That, sir, is what we call rock bottom."

What kind of a thing was that to say to a friend? Or about a friend, for that matter. He knew that Kurt had clashed with Rachel in the past, but he also knew she'd tried to protect him from Karofsky. Blaine hadn't spent a lot of time with her, but she seemed like a nice girl and she was a fantastic singer. Blaine figured a guy could do a lot worse than Rachel Berry.

At that moment his phone rang. Blaine checked the number and saw that it was Rachel. He didn't even remember adding her into his contacts list. "Oh my God. Speak of the devil." He answered the call. "Hi Rachel. Kurt and I were just talking about you."

"You're such a cutie pie with your blazer and your pants." Not the traditional greeting, but it was nice to know someone thought so. "So...I have a question for you. I wanted to know..."

"Is she drunk?" Kurt hissed. Blaine shushed him.

"Do you like old movies?" Rachel continued. "Because they're doing a special screening of _Love Story_ at the Majestic...and I thought maybe you'd like to go with me."

Well, why not? He had wanted more experience with girls. "Uh, yeah!"

"Great, it's at 7:30 on Wednesday night. Do you know where the theater is?" Kurt was still trying to listen in, so Blaine merely grunted in the affirmative.

"You don't have to pick me up or anything, I can meet you there."

"All right, I'll see you then. Okay, bye." He hung up. Kurt was clearly dying to know what was going on. "Rachel just asked me out."

"Oh, that is amazing. She's got a girl crush on you," said Kurt. He was practically giggling. Blaine didn't know why Kurt thought it was so funny that a girl might like him. He wasn't deformed or anything. "Wait a second, why did you say yes?" Kurt asked. "You can't lead her on!"

"Who says I'm leading her on?"

"You're gay, Blaine!"

"I thought I was, but I've never even had a boyfriend before. Isn't this the time you're supposed to figure stuff out? Maybe I'm bi. I don't know." Kurt had mentioned before that he thought his friend Brittany at McKinley was probably bisexual, so Blaine figured he was comfortable with the idea of people who weren't completely gay or straight. He expected Kurt to be supportive, or at least understanding, as Blaine tried to figure this out.

Instead, Kurt blew up at him. "Bisexual is a term that gay guys in high school use when they want to hold hands with girls and feel like a normal person for a change."

"Whoa, wait, wait. Why are you so angry?" This clearly wasn't just about Kurt having a checkered history with Rachel. Blaine briefly wondered if Kurt might still be nursing a crush on him.

Kurt's response didn't suggest any lingering romantic feelings, though. "I look up to you. I admire how proud you are, of who you are. I know what it's like to be in the closet, and here you are about to tiptoe back in!"

Blaine already knew he was a lousy mentor. He'd told Kurt as much back before Valentine's Day. Blaine felt bad about not being the kind of friend that Kurt wanted, but he also resented having his personal issues turned into another episode of _The Kurt Show_. "I'm really sorry if this hurts your feelings, or your pride, or whatever, but however confusing it may be for you, it's actually a lot more confusing for me. You're 100% sure of who you are. Fantastic. Well, maybe we can't all be so lucky."

"Yeah, I've had a lot of luck, Blaine. I was really lucky to be chased out of high school by a bully who threatened to kill me."

Blaine couldn't believe Kurt was playing the victim card now. Like he was the only one who'd ever been bullied for being...not straight. "And why did he do that?"

"Because he didn't like who I was."

"Sort of exactly what you're saying to me right now, isn't it? I am...I'm searching, okay? I'm honestly just trying to figure out who I am. And for you of all people to get down on me for that...I didn't think that's who you were." Blaine was tired and he didn't want to argue any more. He stood up from the table and said "I'll see you. I'd say bye, but I wouldn't want to make you angry."

By the time he got back to his dorm room Blaine regretted comparing Kurt to Karofsky, but he had been angry. He was still kind of angry. His sexual orientation wasn't really any of Kurt's business. If Blaine wanted to go out with a girl then he should be free to do so. Besides, _she_ had asked _him_ out. He didn't want to hurt Rachel's feelings, especially not after she'd been so nice about letting him crash her party. And it was just one date; it wasn't like they were getting married.

Blaine barely saw Kurt over the next few days. They both went to Warblers practice, but they didn't have much to say to each other.

He did have another brief phone conversation with Rachel about their upcoming date. She said she wanted to dress up as the Ali MacGraw character, and Blaine agreed that it would be fun to go as the Ryan O'Neal character. It wasn't difficult to put together a suitably preppy outfit: collared shirt, v-neck sweater, and a plaid blazer he borrowed from Wes. When he met Rachel in the lobby at the Majestic Theater he saw she was wearing a black turtleneck and a miniskirt with a wide belt. Blaine thought they both looked great, very retro chic.

Rachel had paid for her own ticket, but Blaine felt he should be a gentleman and buy the snacks. He ordered a medium popcorn and two drinks. Rachel went to get straws and napkins while Blaine paid the older lady working the concession stand.

"You two are adorable," she said. "Are you twins?"

"What?"

"Are you twins? You look the same age."

"Uh, we are, but we're not – she's not my sister." What was it with people getting confused about his relationships lately? "She's my...friend."

A few minutes later Blaine and Rachel were in the theater mouthing the famous opening line to _Love Story_ , "What can you say about a twenty five year-old girl who died?" Blaine had seen the movie several times on cable and thought it was hilariously cheesy, although there were some genuinely touching moments. He couldn't help being affected by the Ryan O'Neal character's relationship with his father, who cut his son off because he disapproved of the person he loved.

Blaine's own father was nowhere near that bad, but Blaine knew his relationship with his dad would be a lot better if he could have been the normal, heterosexual boy his parents had expected. His father would probably be delighted if he knew that Blaine was out on a date with a girl. A Catholic girl would have been preferable, but any actual female would be enough to make him happy. Blaine was long past doing things just to make his father happy, though. He'd agreed to this date with Rachel because he wanted to find out what it was like.

As the movie continued, it became increasingly obvious to Blaine that what it was like was going to the movies with a friend. He had a nice time at the movie with Rachel, but that was all it was: nice. He did not feel a thrill when they both reached for the popcorn at the same time and their hands brushed against each other. He was not tempted to put his arm around her or rest his hand on her knee.

He was still a little curious about how it would feel to kiss Rachel sober, but not enough to attempt it. Blaine truly did not want to lead Rachel on. He'd had fun, and he told her as much as he walked her out to her car, but when she said "Call me if you want to get together again!" he knew that he wasn't going to call her.

When he stopped by the Lima Bean on Friday for his usual post-rehearsal coffee he found Rachel waiting for him. He thought at first that maybe she was going to tell him off for not calling her, but she didn't seem upset. She looked happy and excited.

He greeted her with a cheerful "Hi Rachel, what's going on?" This wasn't merely a polite question; he'd seen Kurt sitting at a table nearby and wondered what he and Rachel had been talking about.

Rachel answered him with a kiss, full on the lips. It was much as Blaine remembered: soft, warm, and tasting of strawberries. But this time, without the dizzy, light-headed, flushed feeling that he now knew for certain had been caused by the alcohol, it felt...nice. Just nice. Nothing more than that.

"Huh," Blaine said out loud. "Yup, I'm gay. 100% gay." He glanced at Kurt, who he very much suspected had put Rachel up to this. "Thank you so much for clearing that up for me, Rachel." She didn't answer, but if anything she looked even more excited than before. "Listen, save my space in line, will you? I've got to go hit the rest room."

As Blaine washed his hands, he wondered whether he should still be mad at Kurt about all this. Kurt had been less than sympathetic when Blaine was questioning his own sexuality. On the other hand, Kurt had been right, about Blaine at least. There were bisexual guys in the world, Blaine just wasn't one of them.

When he went back to the front counter, Rachel was gone. Instead he saw Kurt waiting for him with a paper coffee cup in his hand. "Medium drip for you, sir," he said. "No charge."

Blaine accepted the cup. "Where's Rachel?"

"She went to go work on her songwriting or something. I tend to tune her out when she gets high pitched."

"Was she mad at me?"

"No, she actually seemed really happy."

"Are _you_ mad at me?"

"I bought you coffee, didn't I?" Kurt adjusted his scarf. "C'mon, let's sit down. We're getting in people's way."

Blaine followed him back to the table where Kurt and Rachel had been sitting before. "You know, some men really are bisexual," he said as he set his cup down. "Alan Cumming, for instance."

"But not Blaine Anderson."

"No. I know that now." He tore open two sugar packets and poured them into his coffee. "Did you ask Rachel to kiss me?"

"Well, we discussed it. She wanted to. She...we both wanted to be sure."

"I guess I wanted to be sure too." Blaine stirred his coffee and took a careful sip. "It still wasn't very nice of you to say I was only trying to be normal, though."

"I'm sorry."

"It was true, but it wasn't very nice."

"Are we still friends?"

Blaine smiled. "Yeah."


	6. Here We Go Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had originally planned to skip this episode, since Blaine and Kurt discussed their "sexy face" practice session back in Chapter 2, but I realized I hadn't covered Blaine's decision to talk to Burt. Anyway, this chapter wound up going in a very different direction than I expected, which is why it took so long to write.
> 
> Some dialogue in this chapter is taken from episode 2x15, "Sexy".

**Now:**

"She didn't get me. You did."

"For now," said Kurt.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you fall in and out of love pretty easily."

"I was never in love with Rachel. Not for a minute." Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand. "She was just a nice girl. I had to find out for sure that a nice girl wasn't what I wanted."

"I wasn't talking about her. I was talking about _him_."

"Kurt, you need to get over this," Blaine said. "Jeremiah and I never had an actual date, we never kissed, we never held hands. There is absolutely no reason for you to be jealous of him. I don't even think about him anymore, except to hope that he got another job somewhere."

"You really don't think about him?" Kurt asked softly.

"No."

"Well, three months ago you said you were in love with him. How long do you think it'll take you to forget about me?" The tears that had been welling up in Kurt's eyes finally overflowed. "Will another three months do it?"

Blaine grabbed a tissue from the box on Kurt's vanity and handed it to him. "Is that what this is about? You think I'm going to forget you over the summer?"

"I don't know." Kurt wiped at his eyes. "M-maybe. You're going to be at Six Flags all summer and you don't even believe that I love you, so why shouldn't you get over me the way you g-got over him?"

"That's not going to happen." Blaine scooted closer to Kurt and put his arm around him. "First of all, I _do_ believe you, and it makes me so, so happy. Second, I was not in love with Jeremiah."

"You told everyone you were," Kurt sniffed.

"I know I did, and believe me, I feel really bad about everything that happened. But didn't you ever have a crush on someone and let yourself get carried away?"

Kurt sighed. "Yes."

"Did it seem like a big deal at the time, but now you don't know what you were thinking?"

"Yes."

"And is that the way you feel about me? Am I just another one of your crushes?"

"No." Kurt shifted into a more comfortable position and laid his head against Blaine's shoulder. "Maybe at first, but not anymore."

Blaine reached up and stroked Kurt's cheek, brushing away the last of his tears. "Well, that's not the way I feel about you either. This is for real."

"Why did it take you so long?" Kurt whispered.

"There were a lot of reasons."

"Like what?"

"Well, I didn't think you were even really attracted to me."

* * *

**Then:**

Blaine felt like he was finally getting his act together again after a very confusing and difficult month. He was ready to put his romantic misadventures behind him and focus on Regionals. This could be the year the Warblers would take the top prize. Things were back to normal with Kurt, too. It was good to know that their friendship was strong enough to survive a serious argument.

It was also good to know that despite all that had happened, Kurt still looked up to him. Although Blaine's record as a mentor was mixed at best, he was willing to keep trying. After the Warblers' test run of "Animal" it was obvious that Kurt still needed his help. Blaine would of course have helped any of the guys who were having trouble with the routine. That wasn't mentoring, it was being a good teammate. It was when Kurt explained why he was having so much trouble with his sexy faces that Blaine saw an opportunity to offer him some extra guidance.

"I don't know how to be sexy because...I don't know the first thing about sex," Kurt confessed.

"Kurt, you're blushing." Blaine remembered the old joke about the embarrassed penguin. Kurt had compared himself to a penguin earlier, and in his uniform sweater and shirt he was black and white and red all over.

"I've tried watching _those_ _movies_ , but I just get horribly depressed, and I think about how they were all kids once, and they all have mothers, and God, what would their mothers think? And why would you get that tattoo there?"

Kurt looked so flustered that Blaine wanted to hug him, but that would have been totally inappropriate. What Kurt needed was information, and he clearly wasn't comfortable seeking it out on his own. This was something Blaine could help him with. Blaine's knowledge of sex was more theoretical than practical, but he'd been a regular _Savage Love_ reader since he was fourteen. That had to count for something.

Blaine crossed his legs and, in what he hoped was a very casual and non-judgmental tone, said "Well then, maybe we should have a conversation about it. I'll tell you what I know."

Judging from his nervous hand gestures, this offer only made Kurt more uncomfortable. "I don't...I don't want to know the graphic details. I like romance. That's why I like Broadway musicals, because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets."

He'd always thought Kurt seemed young for his age, but this attitude did not strike Blaine as normal for even a younger teenage boy. It was one thing to find porn kind of sleazy, quite another to draw the line at holding hands. Sex was a natural and healthy part of adult life, and Kurt was nearly an adult.

"Kurt, you're gonna have to learn about it someday."

"Well, not today." Kurt looked like he was about to either throw up or burst into tears. "I think I've learned quite enough for today, thank you. I think you should leave."

Blaine didn't argue. He just got up and left. He'd clearly struck out again as a mentor, and he didn't want to upset Kurt any more than he already had.

As Blaine drove away from Kurt's house, he tried to figure out where he'd gone wrong. A few years ago Blaine would have been happy to have a trusted gay friend explain things to him. It would have saved him the trouble of doing research on his own. He used to worry a lot about how closely his parents might be monitoring his Web activity.

There had to be some reason why Kurt had reacted so badly to the subject of sex. Blaine had read that some people were asexual and had no interest in sex, but Kurt hadn't acted like he was bored. He'd seemed nervous. Not the excited kind of nervous either, more the frightened kind. What did Kurt have to be frightened of? His family already knew he was gay and they were totally accepting. If any of them had overheard Kurt and Blaine talking about sex then that would have been embarrassing, but no one would have been angry. Kurt's house was a safe place.

Blaine glanced at his dashboard clock and saw it was almost 6 pm already. He wouldn't make it back to campus before the dining hall closed. He'd planned to take Kurt out to eat after they'd finished rehearsing, but now Blaine was on his own for dinner. He remembered there was a Skyline Chili near the edge of town. He could stop there before he headed for the highway.

A few minutes later, Blaine was seated at Skyline. He ordered coffee and a plate of chili spaghetti, his usual meal at the Skyline in Westerville. He and some of the other guys from the dorms often went there on Sunday nights, when the Dalton dining hall served leftovers from the week before. Although he was a regular at the Westerville Skyline, Blaine had only been to the Lima location once before. This was where he'd taken Kurt for lunch on the day they'd tried to talk to Karofsky about being gay.

Maybe that was why Kurt found the subject of sex so distressing: his run-in with Karofsky. The only remotely sexual encounter Kurt had ever had with another boy was being forcibly kissed by a violent closet case. Blaine knew that Kurt had been sad about his first kiss being stolen from him, but he hadn't thought about how the assault might affect Kurt in the long term.

At the time, Blaine had only thought about how Karofsky kissing Kurt shouldn't count as a first kiss. It should only count if both people wanted to do it. For about three seconds he considered kissing Kurt himself and saying " _That_ was your first kiss." Blaine quickly decided this wouldn't be a good idea, though. He hadn't known Kurt for very long and wasn't sure Kurt would actually want to kiss him. They were on the stairs at McKinley where anyone could see them, and there was no zero tolerance bullying policy here to protect them. Besides, a pity kiss would only wind up making them both feel depressed. Blaine knew that from experience.

"It's kind of funny that I got beat up for being gay when I've never even done anything with another guy," Isaac had said. It was a few days after he'd been released from the hospital, and his black eye was starting to fade to a greenish bruise. He still had the cast on his arm, of course. There weren't many signatures on it. Isaac hadn't been back to school since the beating, and he didn't have a lot of friends coming to visit him at home.

"You haven't?" Blaine asked. Isaac was so open about his sexual orientation. Blaine had assumed he must have some experience.

Isaac shook his head. "Have you?"

"No. You're the only other gay guy I know."

"You'll probably meet a lot at your new school," Isaac said. Blaine was starting at Dalton Academy on Monday.

"I don't think there are really that many. It's mostly guys whose dads went there."

"There must be some, though."

"Yeah, some." Blaine shrugged. He felt bad talking to Isaac about Dalton. His family wasn't as well off as Blaine's and they couldn't afford to send him to a private school. Isaac's mom was hoping she could get enough leave time from work to homeschool him for at least a semester, but nothing had been decided yet.

Isaac was staring down at his cast. He traced a circle around Blaine's signature with the index finger of his good hand. "Hey, do you...do you want to kiss?" He looked back up at Blaine. "I mean, to find out what it's like?"

Blaine did want to find out what it was like. He also wanted to make Isaac feel better. He wanted to make _himself_ feel better. He leaned over and pressed his lips against Isaac's, hoping he was doing it right and wishing that they were in love.

If they were in love, this would mean something. If they were in love, what had happened to them might have brought them even closer together. As things were, they didn't even really know each other that well. In a different world then Blaine's feelings towards Isaac might have changed over time from friendship to something more, but their relationship had been tested too brutally and too soon. They weren't in love, and as their lips parted Blaine knew they never would be.

"I'm not going to see you again, am I?" Isaac said. It wasn't really a question.

"I'll be back at Christmas."

"You'll be busy with your family." Blaine started to deny it, but Isaac cut him off. "No, it's okay. At least one of us is getting out of here."

All Blaine could say was "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's not your fault."

Blaine had thought it was nice of Isaac to say that. He knew it was his fault, though. Going to the dance together had been his idea and therefore his fault. It was stupid to think that one kiss would do anything to make up for that. Kissing Kurt wouldn't erase what Karofsky had done to him either. Kurt's real first kiss should come from someone who loved him. Blaine decided the best he could do for Kurt at the moment would be to buy him lunch.

Flash forward to March and here he was in the same Skyline, still worried about Kurt. Blaine wished he hadn't pushed Kurt so hard to confront his bully. It had seemed like good advice, but his judgment had been clouded by his own regrets about not standing up for himself at his old school. If Kurt hadn't followed Karofsky into that locker room then Karofsky probably never would have kissed him. If he'd never kissed Kurt then he never would have threatened to kill Kurt to keep him quiet. Karofsky might have been content to continue shoving Kurt in the hallway and making hateful remarks without ever taking things further than that. While Kurt had never blamed Blaine for what happened with Karofsky, he probably couldn't help but associate him with the assault. No wonder he didn't want to talk to Blaine about sex.

The only upside to this situation was that Blaine was now certain Kurt was totally over his crush. A month ago Blaine sure wouldn't have turned down an informal sex ed lesson from Jeremiah. He'd been _dying_ for Jeremiah to teach him about sex, preferably via hands-on instruction. No, if Kurt still wanted to be more than friends then their conversation would have gone very differently.

" _Well then, maybe we should have a conversation about it. I'll tell you what I know."_

" _I don't...I don't want you to tell me." Kurt blushed delicately, but when he looked back at Blaine his eyes were filled with desire. "I want you to show me."_

_Blaine stood up and took Kurt in his arms. He could feel the heat from Kurt's body through the layers of their uniforms. "What do you want me to show you?" Blaine murmured in his ear._

" _Everything," Kurt breathed. He arched his back and pressed his hips against Blaine's. His need was obvious. "Please. I don't even know how to begin."_

" _Like this," Blaine whispered, and kissed him very gently. Then again, not so gently. Then a third time, as hard as he could, the way he'd kissed Rachel but this was so much better than kissing a girl. Kurt's hands were kneading the back of Blaine's neck as Blaine unfastened Kurt's cardigan, the buttons coming undone easily at his touch._

"This is really hot."

Blaine blinked up at the waitress. "Excuse me?"

"Your coffee." She pointed at the cup she'd just set down on the table. "It's really hot, so be careful. Your spaghetti'll be up soon. Do you need anything else right now?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks." Blaine took a cautious sip of his coffee. The waitress was right, it was very hot. He'd better let it cool down for a minute. He'd better let _himself_ cool down for a minute. All this thinking about sex had gotten him worked up and confused. He needed to focus on what to do about Kurt, not let himself get distracted with ridiculous daydreams.

The setlist for Regionals could be changed. They hadn't sunk much rehearsal time into "Animal" yet, and although the girls from Crawford County Day School had enjoyed it Blaine wasn't sure the song was right for Regionals anyway. Thad had suggested Rod Stewart's "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" as more likely to appeal to middle aged judges than a Neon Trees song. Blaine had also been thinking about Maroon 5's "Misery" as a potential opening number. Blaine could handle lead vocals on either song. Kurt could be kept in the background where his discomfort with doing a sexy routine would be less apparent.

Kurt's discomfort with sex itself was not really any of Blaine's business. They were just friends. Blaine resolved to back off and not try to give Kurt any more unsolicited advice. He didn't want to make Kurt feel any more uncomfortable about sex than he already was. Kurt and his future boyfriend could figure out for themselves what Kurt was comfortable with and what he liked to do.

However, if Kurt did want to have a boyfriend someday – and Blaine was certain that he did – he needed to know the basics about sexual health. In a little more than a year Kurt would be heading off to college. It was his dream to go to school in New York City. He was going to meet a ton of gay guys there, and they weren't all going to be well informed or even necessarily concerned about Kurt's safety. Kurt needed to know how to protect himself from sexually transmitted diseases. It was too dangerous for him not to know. If Kurt wouldn't look for information on his own and he wouldn't listen to Blaine then someone else was going to have to talk to him. Someone Kurt trusted.

By the time the waitress arrived with his chili spaghetti, Blaine had considered and rejected several of Kurt's friends. Mercedes would probably agree to help, but she'd be embarrassed. Finn would be even more embarrassed. Based on what Kurt had told him about Finn's history with Quinn, Finn was also suffering from some pretty big gaps in his own understanding of sex. Rachel could always ask one of her dads to talk to Kurt, but Blaine didn't think Kurt would appreciate having Rachel involved. Their friendship had a troubled enough history as it was. Besides, it seemed weird to go to someone else's father for advice about sex.

There was no getting around it. Blaine knew who had to talk to Kurt. The only person Kurt was sure to listen to, the only person with the right to tell Kurt he had to learn about safe sex for his own good, was Mr. Hummel. As intimidating as the idea was, Blaine was going to have to ask Kurt's dad to talk to Kurt about sex.

Well, best to get it over with before he lost his nerve. If Blaine hurried, he could probably still catch Mr. Hummel at the tire shop before he closed up for the evening.


	7. Waiting For This Moment to Arise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue in this chapter is taken from episode 2x16, "Original Song". Lyrics from "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?" are by Rod Stewart and Carmine Appice. Oh, I've alluded to "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" both here and in the last chapter because a Warblers cover of this song was recorded but not used for the _Glee_ episode "Sexy". You can find the track on the Warblers album and on YouTube.

**Now:**

"Well, I didn't think you were even really attracted to me."

Kurt pulled back and looked at Blaine with one eyebrow raised. "You do own a mirror, right?"

Blaine felt himself blushing. He knew he was reasonably good-looking, girls seemed to think so at least, but there was definitely room for improvement. "I thought you liked guys who were really tall, and built. Like Sam and Finn."

"I like guys who are nice, and can sing. Like you." Kurt patted Blaine's leg. "I also have a weakness for guys who are cute but clueless, so naturally I fell for you right away."

"Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I didn't realize you were sensitive about being vertically challenged. I must have been too distracted by your Montgomery Clift-esque looks."

"No, why didn't you tell me how you felt about me sooner? Since I was too clueless to figure it out on my own."

Kurt shrugged. "I've had kind of a problem in the past with coming on too strong. I figured I'd better let you take the lead. You were a good friend to me too, and I needed a friend then more than I needed a boyfriend. I didn't want to ruin everything by acting like a creep."

"You're too adorable to be creepy."

"Uh huh. Where was this 'You're so adorable' stuff when I _did_ tell you how I felt?"

"You _didn't_ tell me how you felt!" Blaine protested. "You only said you thought I was going to ask you out for Valentine's Day. I didn't know how serious you were about me."

"Oh, so you thought I was some cheap floozy who'd throw himself at any guy who bought him a cup of coffee?"

"Of course not." Blaine kissed Kurt on the cheek. "I could never mistake you for anything but a very high-class floozy." Kurt swatted Blaine's shoulder, but didn't pull away. "Seriously though, I thought you just had a crush on me. It seemed like you got over it pretty quickly."

"What was I supposed to do, beg? You weren't interested."

"It's not that I wasn't interested. I was scared." That wasn't easy to admit, but he was always going to tell the truth to Kurt. "See, I'm not good at being brave. What I'm good at is putting on a show. Not just on stage. After I came to Dalton I figured out that I could act like this cool, confident guy and people would like me. I even managed to fool myself. When I met you, I thought I had everything worked out." Blaine shook his head in disbelief at his former self. "God, I was such a douchebag."

"Don't say that."

"No, it's true," said Blaine. "I was a douchebag."

"I'm not arguing with you, I just don't like that word." Kurt wrinkled his nose. "It's gross."

"Sorry."

Kurt put his head back down on Blaine's shoulder. "Go on, keep telling me about what a terrible person you were."

"Well, you were there. I thought I was totally awesome, and then it all fell apart on me." Blaine sighed. "I felt like the biggest...jerk in the world. Then when you told me you'd been hoping I was going to ask you out I felt like an even bigger jerk than that. I was afraid I couldn't handle a serious relationship, and I knew that with you it was going to be serious. I didn't want to hurt you. It seemed easier to just be friends."

"It was like you forgot all about it. Like I'd never even said anything."

Right now, with Kurt's warm body pressed against his, Kurt's soft hair ticking the side of his face, and Kurt's smooth, long-fingered hand clinging to his sweater, it was difficult for Blaine to remember what he'd been thinking. "I was trying to be Mister Cool again. It was working on everyone but you. You kept getting mad at me, and I just...I wanted you to look at me the way you used to."

"Like a love-struck fool?"

"Like I made you happy. Like you thought I was special."

"You weren't getting enough of that from the Warblers?"

"That wasn't what I wanted. I wanted you. It just took me a while to figure it out."

* * *

**Then:**

"You are a little too cheerful for a Monday morning," said Tyler.

Blaine continued dancing around the room. "I'm excited. Do you know why?"

"Orlando Bloom finally agreed to go gay for you."

"No, come on, seriously."

"They're serving breakfast burritos in the dining hall."

"That helped, but no." Blaine had already had breakfast. He'd woken up well before his alarm went off, and still had time to kill after completing his usual morning routine.

Tyler, who had been awake for about ten minutes, had his shirt and trousers on but was not yet in full uniform. "Where's my tie?"

"On the back of your chair where you left it last night, you slob." Blaine two-stepped over to Tyler's chair, grabbed the tie, and tossed it to his roommate. "You have one guess left."

"Um, March Madness starts tomorrow."

"No. Three strikes and you're out!" Blaine spun around and clapped his hands. "I've got a new song ready for Regionals, and I'm going to show it to the guys this morning."

"Oh, cool," Tyler said, without the level of excitement Blaine felt the occasion merited.

"Hey, plenty of people at this school would be thrilled to get advance notice of an impromptu Warblers performance. Outside the study lounge right before first period. Be there, or be square."

Blaine grabbed his pile of lyrics and sheet music and bounced out the door. He knew he'd find most of the Warblers in the study lounge before class. Several of them were in on the surprise – he'd been working on some choreography over the weekend with David and a handful of other Warblers who were also boarders – but he was excited to see how the others reacted. They had been working on "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" the week before, but there had been complaints about the song being too dated.

"'Give me a dime so I can phone my mother'? Please. We might as well be singing about the pony express," Nick had said.

Kurt had raised his hand. "I'd like to go on record as disapproving of disco in general."

The genre probably wasn't Kurt's only problem with "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy". Blaine had vowed not to bring up Kurt's discomfort with sex again, but it did seem like some of the lyrics were bothering him. He wasn't having any obvious problems like when they'd been working on "Animal", he just kept looking distracted whenever Blaine sang the chorus. Lines like "If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, come on sugar let me know" were admittedly a bit racy for a show choir performance.

Maroon 5's "Misery" was a recent Top 40 hit and it was sexy without being too explicit, especially if they dropped the second verse. He had been practicing the lead vocals on his own and was pleased with how he sounded. During the secret weekend rehearsals they'd hammered out the basic backing vocals and dance moves. Although Regionals were less than a week away, Blaine could trust the other Warblers to pick things up quickly and turn this into a polished routine in time for the competition. Provided they liked it of course, but Blaine felt confident that everyone was going to prefer this number to "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy".

Blaine made his way across campus and burst into the study lounge as the clock tower finished chiming 8 o'clock. He threw his pile of lyrics and sheet music into the air. These were all the old songs they _wouldn't_ be doing at Regionals, so it was a nice symbolic gesture. Blaine also thought it looked cool. He started singing and the Warblers who were in on the secret joined in before the last pieces of paper had hit the floor. It only took a few seconds for most of the other guys to pick up the song.

Kurt was the chief exception. Not only was he not singing, he actually looked irritated. Blaine hoped he didn't feel left out because he hadn't been involved in the weekend rehearsals. He pulled Kurt from his chair and threw an arm around him as he led the Warblers out into the hall. This made Kurt smile a little, but he still wasn't really singing and seemed eager to sit down on one of the benches in the hallway. Blaine wondered if he didn't know the song. Kurt didn't listen to a lot of contemporary rock music. He did sing along when Blaine hopped onto the bench beside him for the first chorus, so he knew at least some of the words. Blaine hammed it up a bit to make Kurt laugh, and made a mental note to work with him later on the rest of the lyrics.

By then other students had appeared at both ends of the hallway to watch the Warblers perform. Blaine was happy with how the number was going over. Everyone was having a great time, dancing and banging on the tables and walls. Even Kurt finally got up and danced. Blaine had been most concerned about Thad's reaction, since he'd been the one to suggest "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" in the first place, but he really got into it and cheered as loud as anyone when Blaine announced "Hey Regionals? You've just met our new opening number!"

The crowd dispersed quickly after that. Classes would begin in a few minutes. Tyler had made it after all; he gave Blaine a thumbs-up before heading down the hall. Blaine wanted to get Kurt's opinion of the song, and was glad to see he was still gathering up his things. Kurt's Marc Jacobs shoulder bag was a familiar sight, but Blaine spotted a new accessory for Pavarotti's cage.

"How did you manage to find a Burberry-esque canary cage cover?"

"Canaries don't like cold weather," Kurt said, removing the cover. "Especially Pavarotti!" he cooed at the Warblers' mascot. Pavarotti chirped at the sound of his name.

Blaine thought it was cute how Kurt fretted over Pavarotti, but he wasn't really interested in a discussion about the temperature preferences of the domestic canary. "So, what did you think of the song?" he asked.

"Can I be really honest with you? Because it comes from a place of caring? Been there, done that." This was not what Blaine had been hoping to hear. His disappointment and confusion must have shown on his face, because Kurt added "Look, you're amazing Blaine. Your solos are breathtaking."

Blaine ducked his head modestly. That was more like it.

Then the twist of the knife: "They're also numerous." Kurt turned and started to walk away.

"Kurt, the Council decides who gets the solos." Kurt paused and turned back towards Blaine, but he was cooing at Pavarotti again. He didn't even look at Blaine until Blaine pointedly asked "Do I detect a little jealousy?"

"No, you detect a lot of jealousy. Look, Blaine, sometimes I don't feel like we're the Warblers. I feel like we're Blaine and the Pips."

The first period warning bell chimed. Kurt waved at Blaine with his free hand and continued on his way. Blaine stood there in the hallway for a long moment, trying to figure out why he felt like he'd been slapped in the face.

Everything Kurt had said about Blaine's actual singing ability had been favorable, even flattering. He'd freely admitted that he was jealous because Blaine got the most solos. Okay, he hadn't gushed over Blaine's performance that morning the way Blaine had hoped he would, but since when was Kurt's opinion of paramount importance? As he'd just reminded Kurt, the Council decided who got solos, and all members of the Council had seemed thrilled with Blaine's song selection and performance. Heck, all members of the Warblers _except_ Kurt had been thrilled. The crowd gathered around them in the hall had been thrilled.

Why should it matter to Blaine that Kurt had been less than enthusiastic in his praise?

And why on earth should it bother him so much that Kurt had been paying more attention to a bird than he was to Blaine?

Blaine was not going to be jealous of a canary. He was not. It was ridiculous. Blaine knew what was bothering him: Kurt no longer looked up to him the way he used to. He had let himself get too accustomed to Kurt's unreserved admiration. Blaine had wanted their friendship to be more evenly balanced. After his numerous blunders he was done with trying to play the mentor role. He just hadn't expected Kurt to speak to him so bluntly. It was good that Kurt didn't feel the need to candy-coat things for Blaine, though. That was a sign of a healthy friendship. They were still friends. Kurt had even said he cared about Blaine.

As for Kurt's specific complaint about the Council favoring Blaine, the next Warblers meeting provided evidence to the contrary. All Blaine had done was suggest a minor costuming change for Regionals and the meeting had erupted into chaos. Of course this had to happen on the one day Kurt was late. He wondered if Kurt would believe that the majority had been against Blaine on this one. The Warblers had always performed in their Dalton Academy uniforms, and if the Council had their way they always would. If Kurt had been there he would have sided with Blaine. He would have been excited about the prospect of wearing something other than his uniform.

At that moment Kurt walked into the room, wearing something other than his uniform. He was dressed all in black, making him look even paler than usual. He was also crying.

"Kurt, what's wrong?" Blaine asked. Although he wouldn't put it past Kurt to go into mourning over something like the discontinuation of his favorite cologne, Blaine knew Kurt's father had heart problems. It was possible the worst had happened.

"It's Pavarotti," said Kurt, his voice cracking. "Pavarotti's dead. I suspect a stroke."

"Oh my God Kurt, I'm so sorry." Blaine was relieved that Kurt's dad was okay, but the death of the Warblers' mascot was also a tragedy, albeit on a smaller scale. Kurt must have felt terrible about the canary dying while in his care.

"I know it's really stupid to be upset about a bird," Kurt continued. "But he inspired me with his optimism and his love of song. He was my friend."

Blaine was proud to see that none of the Warblers seemed to think Kurt was being stupid. Everyone looked genuinely saddened by the news of Pavarotti's death. Trent looked like he was on the verge of bursting into tears alongside Kurt.

"I know that today we need to practice doo-wopping behind Blaine while he sings every solo in the medley of Pink songs," Kurt looked right at Blaine as he said this. Blaine could have done without that zinger, but in a way it was good to know that Kurt wasn't out of his mind with grief. "But I'd like to sing a song for Pavarotti today."

He pulled a cassette out of his jacket pocket and one of the other guys popped it into the boom box. Blaine briefly wondered where Kurt had found a cassette, he didn't think he'd personally seen another cassette in years, but this thought was pushed out of his mind when Kurt began singing.

Kurt had chosen the Beatles' "Blackbird" as his tribute to Pavarotti. It was a beautiful, classic song, and Kurt sounded beautiful as well. He wasn't trying too hard the way he had at his solo audition back in the fall or camping it up too much as he had when they'd done "Animal" just last week. This was simple, heartfelt, and pure. Blaine started in with backing vocals and the other guys joined in, but this was really only a way of showing support. Kurt's voice would have been enough on its own.

Blaine was confident in his own abilities as a soloist. He knew that he was a good singer and that his performances were entertaining. However, when he was brutally honest with himself he had to admit that his singing often lacked soul. Being a good entertainer was enough for show choirs and theme parks, but a true artist had to be able to express deep emotion. Blaine struggled with this, and it was surprising and humbling to hear Kurt do it with such ease. He was a natural.

As the song continued Blaine glanced around the room at the other guys, wondering if they realized what they were hearing. _He's as good as I am. At least as good as I am, but not in the same way. He can do what I cannot._ Because the truth was, Blaine had difficulty expressing deep emotion in song because he had difficulty with deep emotion in the first place. Feeling things too deeply was a good way to get hurt. Blaine had been hurt enough. He didn't want to relive it onstage, and he didn't want to repeat it in real life.

Yet he could not keep his eyes off of Kurt, and he could not deny the strange and tender ache in his chest. For what may have been the first time in his life, Blaine was unable to continue singing. He could have told himself that he was concerned about his friend, that he was awed by Kurt's technical ability, and that he felt nothing more than that because it was neither safe nor wise to feel anything more than that. He could have, but he didn't. Blaine was finally through with lying to himself.


	8. When It Was You and Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue in this chapter is taken from episode 2x16, "Original Song". Lyrics from "Candles" are by Cassadee Pope.

**Now:**

"I wanted you. It just took me a while to figure it out."

Kurt sighed. "Four months."

"I know, baby."

"I didn't think it was ever going to happen. I thought I was finally getting over you."

"I was afraid you already had. I was afraid that I was too late, that I'd been so stupid and selfish that you wouldn't want me anymore. Was I too late, Kurt? Are you going to be mad at me forever about those four months?"

"I'm not mad at you. I just...I don't want to pretend like those four months never happened. I'm the one who had to wait for you to come around, remember?" He tugged on Blaine's cardigan. "So I don't want to hear any more about how maybe I don't love you or maybe I'm not attracted to you. From the day we met there hasn't been anyone else for me but you."

"You said you were getting over me, though."

"I said I _thought_ I was getting over you," Kurt said. "If I'd actually gotten over you, I wouldn't be lying on my bed with you right now, would I?"

"We're not lying on your bed," Blaine pointed out. "We're sitting."

"That's because _you_ still have your shoes on." Kurt had managed to slip his shoes off while they were talking. He flopped backwards and pulled his feet up, shifting around until he was lying down the right way on the bed. Blaine quickly removed his own shoes and lay down next to Kurt. He wasn't sure exactly what Kurt had in mind, but he liked the direction things were going.

"C'mere," Kurt said, tapping himself on the chest. Blaine scooted closer and put his head down on Kurt's chest as instructed. Kurt began rubbing the back of Blaine's head, where his hair was short and ungelled. Blaine closed his eyes. This was nice. He would be happy to get back to kissing, but this was nice.

"I cried so much over you, Blaine," Kurt said softly. "I wasn't going to keep crying forever. But I couldn't just turn off how I felt about you either. I guess I would have moved on eventually, but I don't think I ever would have forgotten you. You always would have been the one that got away."

"Like the Pink song," Blaine murmured.

"Mmhmm."

"Or the Katy Perry song."

"No, the Pink song."

"Katy Perry has a song called 'The One That Got Away' too."

"That reminds me of another Pink song," Kurt said. "It's called 'So What'."

Blaine reached over and smacked Kurt lightly on the hip. "I'm the one who likes Pink anyway."

"We can _both_ like Pink."

"You didn't even care which Pink song we did at Regionals."

"I didn't care enough to argue about it for _four hours_. That was the longest Warblers meeting ever!"

"It wasn't four hours. It was closer to three." Blaine looked up at Kurt. "You fell asleep, anyway."

"I did not!"

"You did. I saw you."

"Well, maybe I dozed off for a little while. I woke up for the important part."

Blaine grinned. "The part where I finally made my move."

* * *

**Then:**

According to Wes, the longest Warblers meeting ever was on February 10, 1964, when a debate about whether to include a Beatles number in an upcoming performance raged on until curfew. The last meeting before Regionals was, however, the longest Warblers meeting Blaine had personally attended. He had gone in thinking that their set list was pretty well set, but Wes moved to replace the Pink medley with a single Pink song.

"While a medley would provide more opportunity for Warbler Blaine to exhibit his vocal range, I feel that performing one song in its entirety would be a better demonstration of his interpretive ability."

This motion passed unanimously, but the question of which Pink song to do proved surprisingly controversial. Every song they had rehearsed for the medley was considered at length. "Get the Party Started", "Who Knew", and "Raise Your Glass" ultimately emerged as the top three contenders, but by that point Blaine had mostly stopped paying attention. His thoughts kept drifting back to Kurt.

He had in fact been up half the night thinking about Kurt. Blaine didn't know how to let Kurt know that he'd finally realized he wanted to be more than friends. Although it seemed natural to fall back on his only real talent, he definitely was not going to try surprising Kurt with a song. He wasn't going to risk a repeat of the Gap Attack disaster. Maybe someday he'd be able to serenade Kurt with a special song, but not until he was certain it would be a meaningful moment for both of them.

It wasn't a good time to be making romantic overtures anyway. Kurt was mourning Pavarotti. Everyone was keyed up about Regionals. He should wait. He'd known Kurt for four months, Blaine could wait a few more days. It wouldn't be easy, but he could wait. After Regionals he'd find a way to tell Kurt everything that was in his heart.

Unless it was too late by then. It might be too late already. This thought kept circling Blaine's mind, keeping him from sleep. He'd rejected Kurt before Valentine's Day. Kurt had since gotten over his crush on Blaine, that much was clear from his behavior. Would he be willing to give Blaine another chance?

Blaine had to believe there was still hope. Kurt felt things deeply. He had cried over the death of a bird, and had dedicated one of the most moving performances Blaine had ever heard to its memory. If he could care that much about Pavarotti, there must be a chance for Blaine. Maybe not now, but someday. After Regionals. After Blaine had proved that he was good enough to win. That he was good enough to be loved.

The next day Blaine did his best not to act any differently around Kurt. Kurt himself was quieter and more withdrawn than usual, barely saying a word at the Warblers meeting. He apparently hadn't had much sleep the night before either. He seemed to be having a hard time keeping his eyes open. As Trent continued his impassioned argument in favor of "Who Knew", Blaine watched Kurt drifting off. He looked so sweet with his head resting on his hand.

The debate continued around him, with little of it registering with Blaine except the repeated mentions of his own name. "Blah blah blah Blaine, blah blah Blaine, Blaine Blaine Blaine..." It occurred to him suddenly that Kurt had been right. The Warblers had essentially become Blaine's backup group, and they were expecting to win Regionals on the strength of his solos alone. But the Warblers had only managed to tie with New Directions in their last competition, and according to Kurt they had even stronger soloists than those featured at Sectionals. They'd also put on a hell of a halftime show at the football championship. Blaine felt confident that he could hold his own against any of the New Directions members in a one-on-one sing off, but this was a _choir_ competition. He couldn't be better than all of them working together.

Fortunately, the solution was literally right in front of him. Kurt had a beautiful voice, with an upper range unmatched by anyone else in the Warblers. Yesterday he had proved that he also had a rare ability to express emotion in song. If he could sing that way in competition, the Warblers had a good shot at winning Regionals...and Blaine had a good shot at winning Kurt back. He'd hoped to impress Kurt by winning the competition, but it would be even better to win it together. Then Kurt would know what a great team they could be. With so little time left before Regionals, they'd have to devote most of their free time over the next few days to practicing together. Blaine could think of nothing he'd rather do than spend his time with Kurt.

The bang of the gavel brought Blaine's attention back to the meeting. He saw Kurt's eyes flicker open as well.

"I think Blaine's version of the song is actually better than the original," Thad said. Blaine wasn't even sure which song they were talking about now.

"But it's not in his natural key!" David protested.

Trent was aghast. "How dare you!"

The Warblers weren't acting like his backup singers, they were acting like his fan club. Blaine couldn't believe he'd been too oblivious, or too conceited, to notice this before. "Enough, I'm tired of this."

"I agree," said Thad. "I think we should just let you pick the song that you want to sing."

"No, I'm tired of the Warblers being all about me." Blaine knew this wouldn't be an easy sell, but he also knew he was right. He had to convince the other guys of this. "David, please make sure everything I'm about to say goes down in the official minutes." Now that he had the full attention of the Council and the other Warblers members, he dropped his bombshell. "We are going to lose at Regionals."

The others reacted with shock, as he'd expected. Blaine continued speaking, quickly regaining their attention. "From what Kurt has told me about New Directions, I just know I can't beat them on my own. Which is why I propose that we rearrange our 11 o'clock number and turn it into a duet." Several Warblers started to protest. Blaine had to raise his voice to add "To showcase other talent in this group!"

David threw his hands in the air. "What don't we just play it on kazoos?"

"Point of order, point of order!" Blaine called, leaping to his feet. The other Warblers settled down again. "Now, we all lost one of our own this week. Pavarotti's voice was silenced by death, and I don't want to silence any other voices in this group."

Wes took control of the meeting again. "All right, a vote," he said. "Who's in favor of Warbler Blaine's proposal, for a dual lead at Regionals?"

Blaine raised his own hand first. Others followed, with everyone but Trent and the three Council members finally voting in favor of a duet. Kurt leaned forward and, in a stage whisper to the Council, said "Can I get my name on that audition list?"

"No auditions," Blaine said. He knew he was breaking with tradition. The only way he was going to get away with this was if the other Warblers had been as moved by Kurt's performance of "Blackbird" as he was, or if they continued to show Blaine excessive favoritism. Well, what good was being the favorite if you couldn't get what you wanted once in a while? "I want to sing the duet with Kurt."

The only protest came from Kurt himself. He was adorably flustered by Blaine's request. "There are so many great voices here. Everyone deserves a shot at that honor."

Blaine knew Kurt wanted this solo, that he'd wanted a solo ever since he transferred to Dalton, but it was good that he'd thought of the group first. He didn't want to argue about this, so he called for a vote. "All in favor of Kurt being my duet partner at Regionals?"

Every hand went in the air, even Wes, Thad, and David's. "Decided," Wes said with a smile. He banged his gavel to formally end the discussion as the other guys applauded and congratulated Kurt. He looked so happy, happier than Blaine had seen him in days. That made Blaine happy too.

Wes banged the gavel again. "Blaine, Kurt, please have your choice of song in to the Council by tomorrow afternoon. Now, we do still need to settle the issue of the Pink number tonight."

Blaine was so ready to be done with this meeting. "After hearing everyone's arguments," he began, which was not technically a lie since he wasn't claiming to have _listened_ or _paid attention_ , "I feel 'Raise Your Glass' is the best choice. It's recent, it's upbeat, it's popular, and we've rehearsed most of it already."

"All in favor of 'Raise Your Glass'?" Wes asked. The majority agreed, and with that Wes ended the meeting.

As the other Warblers started to file out of the room, Kurt turned to Blaine and asked "So, what song are we going to do?"

Blaine hadn't thought that far ahead. "I don't know. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Not at the moment. I didn't expect to be doing a duet."

"Well, why don't I buy you dinner and we can talk about it?" Blaine didn't think this was too forward. They'd had dinner together before. It wouldn't be a _date_. Not exactly. Not yet.

"Oh, I'd love to, but I promised to give my stepmother a facial this evening. She has a big meeting at work tomorrow and she wants to look her best." Kurt pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and checked the time. "Sorry to run off, but I really need to get going."

"That's all right. I'll think about songs tonight and catch you tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay. See you tomorrow!" Kurt grabbed his bag and left.

Blaine passed Jeff on his way to the dorm. "Hey man, thanks for not waiting until after break!" Jeff said. "That's twenty bucks for me!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I had a bet going with Nick." Jeff winked and slapped Blaine on the back. "Get 'im, tiger!"

"Um, thanks?" Blaine was pretty sure Jeff wasn't talking about the duet, but he decided it was best to maintain some plausible deniability. He also didn't want to jinx himself by pointing out that he wasn't actually involved with Kurt in a non-musical capacity, and didn't hope to be until after Regionals.

"Everybody's really happy for you guys. Especially me, because Nick has got to pay up!" Jeff grinned. "Hey, are you going to the dining hall?"

Blaine shook his head. "Nah, I've got to go over my music."

"Okay, catch you later!"

Blaine continued on to his dorm room. Tyler had already left for dinner. Blaine was getting hungry, but he could wait a little while. He wanted to have some time alone to think about things. He felt kind of bad about Jeff collecting twenty dollars from Nick when nothing had happened between Blaine and Kurt yet, but if everything went as Blaine hoped then he and Kurt really would be dating before spring break. He had a timeline worked out. First they'd rehearse, then they'd win Regionals, and then some time during the week between Regionals and spring break Blaine would tell Kurt how he felt. He just had to find the right words.

He had to find the right song first, though. Blaine opened iTunes on his laptop and started browsing through his music library. Kurt wouldn't be comfortable with anything too sexy. Blaine didn't want anything too lovey dovey either, because he didn't want it to seem like he was using Regionals as an opportunity to proposition Kurt. That would be unprofessional. The judges wouldn't like it, and Kurt probably wouldn't like it either. As Blaine had learned through his experience with Jeremiah, public declarations of desire could backfire horribly. He didn't want to come on too strong and risk scaring Kurt off.

A song that was _slightly_ romantic would be best. Something that would give Kurt a subtle hint without making him too suspicious. Something emotional, because Kurt was so good at expressing emotion and because Blaine felt like he could be good at it now too. For this one performance, at least. He finally had something in his heart that was deep and real but that he wasn't afraid to share. It wouldn't be painful to put all his regret and longing into a song, because he could put in all his hope as well.

Choosing a song that fit his requirements wasn't easy, but Blaine finally found something he thought would work. A few days before he'd come across a song on YouTube that had the line "Looks like a solo tonight" in the chorus. He'd found this amusing because, although it was a break-up song and the line was about being alone, the word "solo" always made Blaine think of singing a solo. The song was called "Candles", by a group called Hey Monday. Blaine had thought it was pretty good and decided to purchase it on iTunes.

He played it again now, and it was a lovely, emotional song. There wasn't anything smutty in it, and since it was a break-up song he didn't think it would seem like a come on to Kurt. Some of the lyrics were a little darker and angrier than Blaine wanted, but they'd need to shorten the song to fit the competition time limits anyway so he could leave most of those out. Other lines really spoke to the way he was feeling now, even if the context was different. "Lost sight, couldn't see, when it was you and me." "I'm beginning to see the light." "You will get back everything you gave me."

Blaine found the lyrics to "Candles" online and printed them out to take to the dining hall with him. He'd work on memorizing them while he was eating. After dinner he'd need to spend a couple of hours on homework, and then he'd go to bed early. He wanted to be well rested for his practice session with Kurt.

The next day was St. Patrick's Day. After class most of the Dalton students loaded up on shamrock cookies in the dining hall and headed for the lacrosse game against the Hawken School Hawks. Blaine found Kurt alone in the study lounge, decorating a box to serve as a casket for Pavarotti.

Blaine knew he should feel sad about Pavarotti, he _did_ feel sad about Pavarotti, but he was also excited to hear what Kurt thought of his song choice. "I have the perfect song for our number, and we should practice," he announced.

"Do tell," Kurt said with a smile.

Blaine's heart was pounding. He hadn't expected a little smile from Kurt to have such a big effect on him. He could barely look Kurt in the eye. What was wrong with him? They were just talking about their song. He could handle this. "'Candles', by Hey Monday," he said, in what he hoped was a reasonably normal sounding voice.

Kurt gave him another, even bigger smile. "I'm impressed. You're usually so Top 40."

"Well, I just wanted something a little more...emotional." He sat down next to Kurt, hoping he hadn't revealed too much already. This was harder than he'd thought. He stared down at the tiny rhinestone encrusted casket and tried to make himself focus on the song, on Regionals. He and Kurt both had enough to worry about right now without making things more complicated between them.

For a long moment Kurt didn't say anything. Then finally he asked "Why did you pick me to sing that song with?"

Blaine looked up and saw that Kurt was looking back at him with a wary expression. He looked like he wanted an answer but wasn't sure he'd like it. Blaine was tempted to offer some half-truth about Kurt's singing ability, but he was tired of half-truths. He knew it was smarter to wait until after Regionals, but he was tired of waiting. He was tired of hiding the way he felt. Kurt had asked him a direct question and Blaine was going to give him a full and honest answer.

He closed his eyes. He wasn't fully prepared for this, not yet, but he'd already been thinking about what he would say to Kurt. He could do this. He just had to make himself do it.

"Kurt, there is a moment..." Blaine opened his eyes again. Kurt had his head tilted to the side and a faint smile on his face. Or maybe not exactly a smile, but not _not_ a smile, and that was encouragement enough. "When you say to yourself 'Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever.'"

Kurt blinked at him. Just blinked. What was that supposed to mean?

Maybe Blaine wasn't being clear enough. He scooted closer and put his hand on top of Kurt's. "Watching you do 'Blackbird' this week...that was a moment for me. About you," he said, not wanting to leave any room for doubt.

Kurt blinked at him again. Why wasn't he saying anything? Did he not get what Blaine was trying to tell him?

Blaine was in too far now to go back, even if he wanted to. He didn't want to. He needed Kurt to understand what he was trying to say. If Kurt rejected him then fine, he probably deserved it, but at least Kurt would know how he felt. There wouldn't be any more secrets between them.

"You move me, Kurt."

Blaine heard Kurt inhale sharply. Kurt was surprised. He was surprised but he wasn't angry or offended or horrified, because he'd say something if he were. Surely he'd say something, and he still wasn't saying anything. He was staring at Blaine with his beautiful blue-gray eyes, waiting for him to continue.

This was almost too much for Blaine. He had to look away, had to close his eyes again for a moment. He was going to finish saying what he had to say, though. He answered the question Kurt had asked in the simplest and most honest way he could. "This duet would just be an excuse to spend more time with you."

Kurt's expression finally changed. His mouth dropped open just a little, then he smiled just a little, but he was breathing so hard that Blaine knew this subdued reaction was because Kurt was fighting to control himself. Blaine was fighting to control himself too. Kurt was looking at him in amazement, and Blaine knew he must be looking at Kurt the same way, as if he couldn't quite believe something so wonderful was true.

Blaine had already strayed so far from his original plan that he went ahead and did something else he had not planned to do yet. He stood up, leaned over, and kissed Kurt.

He had spent a lot of time over the past few days imagining their first kiss. Their first kiss together and the first kiss that really counted for either of them. He'd thought it would happen after Regionals, maybe backstage right after they accepted their trophy, or maybe later in Blaine's car, or Kurt's car, or someplace at Dalton, maybe even here in the study lounge. Kurt would be surprised, but he'd want it as much as Blaine did. Their lips would fit together easily, like they were made for this. They would kiss deeply and passionately.

It was like that, only better.

It was better even though Blaine's nose wound up smashed into Kurt's face in an unexpected manner. It was better even though for a few confusing seconds Kurt didn't respond, causing Blaine to worry that maybe he wasn't doing a good job or maybe Kurt wasn't as into this as he was. It was better because it was really happening. Their lips were really pressed together, and Blaine felt it through his entire body like an electric shock. Blaine really had one hand on Kurt's cheek and the other on Kurt's thigh, partially for balance but mostly because he wanted to touch him. Kurt's hand was really grabbing Blaine's face to pull him closer. Kurt was really kissing him back so intensely that Blaine was afraid his legs were going to give out.

Then Kurt's face was tilting away from his. Kurt's hand slipped from Blaine's face and hit the table with a loud thump. Blaine pulled back slowly and sat down. Kurt looked like he was in shock. Blaine felt a little shocked himself. Things were happening a lot faster than he'd planned. Not that Blaine had any complaints, but maybe this was too fast for Kurt. Maybe they should have talked about this first. And weren't they supposed to be rehearsing for Regionals?

Blaine laughed nervously and covered his face with his hand. "We should...we should practice."

"I thought we were," Kurt said. He was breathing hard but he had the biggest smile on his face.

The last of Blaine's doubts were gone. He leaned towards Kurt as Kurt was leaning towards him. Their lips came together fast and hard. Kurt's hand found Blaine's face again without any hesitation. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's back. Then Kurt was on his feet, bumping against the table and sending his chair scraping backwards on the marble floor. Blaine was able to stand up straight now and pull Kurt even closer to him. They continued kissing the whole time, neither wanting to break the connection.

This time it was Blaine who had to stop first. He turned his head and gasped for breath, still holding onto Kurt. He could hold on to Kurt forever. He also wasn't sure he could stand without support right now. He dropped his head down onto Kurt's shoulder. Kurt was stroking his back with one hand, up and down. Blaine breathed in deeply and felt the dizziness recede.

"Blaine," Kurt whispered in his ear. "Are we...are we dating now?"

"Oh yes," Blaine sighed. "If...if you want to, I mean."

Kurt put his hands on Blaine's shoulders and pushed him back slightly, so they were looking at each other. "I want to," he said firmly.

"I do too." Blaine smiled. He was still feeling a little lightheaded, so he said "Let's sit down. On the couch."

They curled up together on the velvet couch by the wall. Blaine had never appreciated Dalton's elegant furnishings as much as he did now. He felt like he was floating on a cloud, although that was perhaps due more to the beautiful boy wrapped in his arms than the quality of the couch.

"So, you're my boyfriend now," Kurt said, toying with the lapel of Blaine's blazer.

"I am."

"And I'm _your_ boyfriend."

"That's how it usually works," Blaine agreed.

"And I can put on my Facebook that we're in a relationship."

Blaine squeezed him. "If you don't then I will."

They were both quiet for a long, lovely moment. Then Kurt sat up and asked "What time is it?"

Blaine fished his cellphone out of his pocket. "Um, about quarter to three."

"We need to work on our duet," Kurt said.

"Yeah."

Kurt took the cellphone from Blaine's hand and placed it on the end table beside the couch. "I think we should start at three."

"And what should we do until then?" Blaine asked innocently, leaning his head back against the arm of the couch.

Kurt looked down at him. " _Practice_ ," he purred.


	9. I Need Something To Rely On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The date I have for Kurt and Blaine's anniversary isn't canon. I chose it because "Original Song" originally aired the week of St. Patrick's Day, and in the "Hell to the No" scene that follows Kurt and Blaine's first kiss Artie is wearing a green sweater. Another reason why I felt March 17 was a good date for their anniversary will be revealed in this chapter. :)
> 
> In this chapter I make passing reference to my other _Glee_ fanfics. If you'd like to find out whether other students have been listening outside Blaine's door, see "Overheard at Dalton". If you're interested in the story of Kurt's spring break, during which he wore a scarf every day, see "What Kurt Did On His Spring Vacation". Please leave me a review if you like them!
> 
> Oh, this chapter has Blaine saying goodbye in Cebuano, a language I do not speak at all, so my apologies if I didn't get it right. The song "A Little Bird Told Me" that is mentioned in this chapter was a big hit in the late 1940s, the best known version was performed by Evelyn Knight and The Stardusters. I thought it would make a good Warblers number.
> 
> Some dialogue in this chapter is taken from episode 2x16, "Original Song"; episode 2x17, "Night of Neglect"; and 2x18, "Born This Way". Lyrics from "Somewhere Only We Know" are by Tim Rice-Oxley, Tom Chaplin, and Richard Hughes.

**Now:**

"The part where I finally made my move."

"Was that your move?" Kurt asked. "I thought your big move was when you pounced on me in the study lounge."

"I seem to recall there being some mutual pouncing involved."

"I didn't want you to feel unappreciated." Kurt smiled. "Especially not when you were thoughtful enough to make our anniversary such a special date."

"I had no idea you were so into St. Patrick's Day."

"I'm not. March 17 was Alexander McQueen's birthday."

"Only you would know that, Kurt."

"Lots of people know that. It's on Wikipedia."

"I didn't think to check Wikipedia before pouring my heart out to you," Blaine said. "I hadn't been planning for that to be our anniversary anyway. I'd meant to wait until after Regionals to tell you how I felt. I didn't want to get my heart broken right before a major competition, and I thought...I thought if we won, I'd have a better chance with you."

"Oh Blaine. Did you honestly think I could look into your big sad eyes and turn you down?" Blaine made big sad eyes at Kurt until he laughed and said "Stop it!"

Blaine closed his eyes and put his head back down on Kurt's chest. "I thought there was a distinct possibility that you'd look into my big sad eyes and tell me that you only liked me as a friend. Or that you were sick of dealing with me and you didn't even want to be friends anymore."

"I still would have wanted to be your friend," Kurt said, stroking Blaine's hair.

"Even after you went back to McKinley?"

"Yes. We were friends before I came to Dalton, so we could have stayed friends after I left."

Blaine had another question about when Kurt transferred back to McKinley, something he'd thought about off and on ever since it happened. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer, but since they were finally getting everything out in the open maybe it was time. "Kurt? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"If we'd won Regionals, would you have stayed?"

* * *

**Then:**

Blaine had wanted to win Regionals even after he and Kurt started dating. Just making Kurt happy would have been reason enough to want it. Of course there were the other Warblers to consider as well. They'd all worked really hard and they'd put so much faith in Blaine's abilities as a soloist. Blaine also had his own reasons for wanting to win first place. It would be a nice accomplishment to list on his college applications. It would be further evidence that he might really have what it took to make it as a professional singer. And maybe if he won, his parents would feel bad about not coming.

Not that he'd expected them to come.

He didn't have time to think about them anyway. In that last rush before Regionals, most of his time was spent rehearsing. Rehearsal time doubled as time with Kurt. They were largely successful in keeping their desire to "practice" from interfering with their actual practicing, although both agreed that a little break every couple of hours was only reasonable. Full choir rehearsals on Friday afternoon went well, and the Warblers headed off to Regionals on Saturday in high spirits.

Kurt was adorably nervous before they took the stage, but Blaine knew they were going to be good. And they were. The Warblers were even better than they'd been at Sectionals. If Blaine was brutally honest with himself he had to admit that he and Kurt were a little off pitch on "Candles", but Kurt's performance was as emotionally powerful as Blaine had expected. Inspired by Kurt, Blaine did better than usual in that department himself. He later heard from a reliable source that they reduced New Directions badass Noah Puckerman to tears.

The applause hadn't yet faded when they launched in to "Raise Your Glass". That kind of song was right in Blaine's wheelhouse, and all the other guys had their parts down cold. The audience loved it. Some girls started jumping up and down during the first chorus, and by the end of the song it looked like the entire house was on their feet. The Warblers had been fantastic. Blaine had no doubt they'd destroyed Aural Intensity.

The Warblers took their bows and fell into a victory huddle at the side of the stage. All the guys were whooping with joy and slapping Blaine on the back. Then Kurt ran over to hug him. That moment, with his friends all around him, his boyfriend in his arms, and the crowd still clapping and cheering for them, was one of the happiest of Blaine's life.

He did feel disappointed when boozy Second Lady Carla Turlington-Stevens announced that New Directions had won first place, but more for the sake of Kurt and the other Warblers than himself. They all clapped politely for the winning choir. Kurt turned to look at Blaine, and Blaine shrugged. They'd done their best. That would have to be consolation enough for the rest of the guys. As for Blaine, he couldn't even look at Kurt without smiling a little. They may not have won, but Blaine already had what he'd most wanted to get out of this competition.

Then Coach Sylvester punched out Mrs. Turlington-Stevens right in front of him, and the event ended in chaos. Sister Mary Constance, the nun who'd served as one of the judges, did manage to find Blaine backstage and tell him that the Warblers had won second place.

"I liked your duet," she said. She pointed at Kurt, who was talking to Mercedes and Tina a few yards away. "Is that other little boy your boyfriend?"

Blaine nodded. He didn't want to listen to a lecture about homosexuality, but for a nun she seemed pretty liberal.

"Well, you be sweet to him. It's a hard world out there if you don't have somebody who cares about you. Take my word for it. God bless you, child," she said, and walked away.

It had definitely been a memorable day.

Blaine helped Kurt bury Pavarotti on Sunday. Kurt had chosen a spot under one of the maple trees behind the school. He'd made a tombstone to match the casket he'd decorated, and he brought a red rose to lay on the grave. Blaine was touched by how much thought Kurt had put into giving the little bird a proper burial. He'd expected that Kurt would be feeling down about Pavarotti's death, but as they stood by the grave Kurt confessed that he was also upset about losing Regionals.

"I just really, really wanted to win."

"You did win. So did I. We got each other out of all this," said Blaine. "That beats a lousy trophy, don't you think?"

Kurt smiled at him, but he still looked sad. Blaine offered him his hand, and they walked back to Blaine's dorm room together. They spent much of the afternoon curled up on Blaine's bed, watching _Singin' in the Rain_ on his laptop.

The days and weeks that followed were happy ones for Blaine. In a lot of ways his relationship with Kurt didn't change. They still did mostly the same things they'd been doing for months, like eating lunch together, going for coffee at the Lima Bean after school, catching a movie on the weekend, or just hanging out in Blaine's dorm room or at Kurt's house. They still had long conversations about nothing and everything, and silly arguments where they pretended to be appalled by each other's tastes in clothing and music. But it was so much better than before, because the unspoken tension that had been between them for so long was gone.

They also did things they _hadn't_ done before they started dating, although they didn't have as much time alone to "practice" as they would have liked. Even when Tyler was gone there were a lot of interruptions in the dorm. Blaine had suggested putting a tie on the doorknob so his hallmates would know it was not a good time to ask about tonight's trigonometry homework, but Kurt objected.

"We are _not_ advertizing to your entire hall when we're...being romantic," he said. "How could I look anyone in the eye? They'd probably stand around out there listening!"

Blaine leaned his head against Kurt's. "We could try being really quiet."

"We are quiet. Aren't we?" Kurt pulled away. "Oh God Blaine, can people hear us?"

"No, of course not," Blaine said. He knocked on the wall by his bed. "We've got nice thick walls." He knocked again for good measure. "Solid construction."

Someone on the other side of the wall knocked back. "Dude, stop banging on my wall!" a muffled voice shouted. Kurt's eyes went wide.

"Well, it's not like we're slamming each other into the wall," Blaine said sheepishly. "Unless you'd like to give that a try," he added, wiggling his eyebrows.

"You're awful."

"I'm an awfully good kisser. Just like my boyfriend."

Although their code word for make out sessions had originated as a joke, Blaine was learning that it actually was something that could be improved through practice. With experience it became easier to avoid bumping or squashing their noses. Kurt found out he could make Blaine shiver by flicking his tongue against the roof of Blaine's mouth. Blaine discovered that he could make Kurt's eyes roll back in his head by sucking on his neck. They both learned that it didn't take much to leave a mark on Kurt's pale skin. He wound up wearing a scarf every day during spring break.

Blaine would have liked more private time with Kurt, but any time they were together was special. It was so comfortable, so _right_ , it hardly mattered what they were doing. Every morning Blaine looked forward to seeing Kurt again. He felt content just holding Kurt's hand as they walked down the hallway or sitting next to him during Warblers meetings. Blaine had never been in love before, and he wasn't sure if this was what it was like. He'd been wrong before. Maybe it wasn't love when you cared about someone and felt happy whenever you were together. If it wasn't though, maybe it was a beginning. Maybe this was the feeling that grew into love.

Yet there were moments when Blaine could tell that Kurt wasn't entirely happy. Their conversation by Pavarotti's grave had been the first hint that their relationship wasn't enough for him. Kurt was upset that they hadn't won at Regionals. He didn't say he blamed Blaine for this, but Blaine was the lead soloist and he'd chosen both numbers himself. If it was anyone's fault, it was his. Blaine was okay with second place, but Kurt's dream was to go to New York. If Blaine had done a better job he could have won that trip to Nationals for him.

Kurt's complaints about the Dalton uniform might have been easier to dismiss, if Blaine hadn't known how serious Kurt was about fashion. "You're so lucky you're a winter," he said to Blaine one afternoon at the Lima Bean. "You look great in navy and red. I just look washed out." He sighed. "I wish I could wear my own clothes." Another day, while retying his necktie after a heated "practice" session in Blaine's room, Kurt said "I'm so sick of this thing. You'd think they could at least let us wear a bowtie. Or an ascot. Or _something_." A few passing remarks about how Kurt's stepmother was working extra shifts seemed more serious still. Even the price of tuition wasn't necessarily an insurmountable problem if Kurt wanted to stay at Dalton. There might be additional financial aid available next year. But it seemed more and more like he didn't want to stay.

In April, New Directions held a benefit concert for the McKinley Academic Decathlon team. Kurt naturally wanted to go to see and show support for his friends, so he and Blaine made a date of it. They arrived early and Kurt gave Blaine a tour of the school. He showed Blaine his old locker, the rooms where his favorite classes were held, and of course the choir room. He had a lot of funny stories about crazy teachers and things he'd done with his friends, but he looked sad. Blaine didn't miss his old school at all, but he could see that Kurt missed his.

"What the hell are you two doing here?" Karofsky had appeared in the hallway behind them, as if to remind them why Kurt had left McKinley.

"We're here for the benefit," Kurt said. "Don't tell me you're going."

"I wouldn't be caught dead," Karofsky sneered. "I was pumping iron in the gym when one of the guys told me you two were here, spreading your fairy dust all over the place."

"Would you just give it up?" Blaine said. This guy and his phony macho posturing really made him sick. "You can live whatever lie you want, but don't pretend like the three of us don't know what's really going on here."

"You don't know squat, buckboy."

That was it. Blaine shoved Karofsky as hard as he could. This was perhaps not the smartest thing he'd ever done, the other boy was easily twice his size, but Blaine was not going to let himself or Kurt be bullied. Not by some pathetic closet case who couldn't stand seeing other gay boys be happy.

It was probably lucky for everyone involved that Santana showed up just then. Karofsky didn't want to be outed to one of his classmates, and although he said "I think I can take on a couple of queers and a girl", three against one wasn't good odds. Especially not when the girl was a spitfire like Santana. "See, here's what's gonna go down," she said. "Two choices. You stay here and I crack one of your nuts, right or left, that's your choice, or you walk away and live to be a douchebag another day. Oh, and also, I have razor blades hidden in my hair."

Karofsky obviously did not know how to deal with this. He grunted and stormed off. Blaine couldn't help being impressed, but it was a little embarrassing to have a girl he barely even knew swoop in to defend him like that. He'd wanted to prove to himself and to Kurt that he could deal with a bully. He wanted Kurt to know that he didn't have to be afraid of people like Karofsky. Not when they were together.

"We could have handled that," he said.

"It was more fun doing it together." Santana smiled, but then had to rush off in response to an emergency text.

After the benefit, which had turned out to be one of the strangest concerts Blaine had ever attended, he took Kurt to get ice cream. The shop was full of noisy middle school kids who'd just come from a basketball game, so they took their plastic cups out to Blaine's car. For several minutes they sat quietly in the dark, eating their desserts.

"It was nice to see your friends," Blaine said. "Mike is an incredible dancer."

"Yeah, he's really good," Kurt agreed. "Can't sing at all, but great at dancing."

"Mercedes was fantastic too."

"She always is. That was her church choir doing backup. She took me to see them once, when...when my dad was in the hospital."

"She's a good friend," Blaine said softly.

"She's my best friend."

Kurt fumbled with his napkin and Blaine realized he was crying. Blaine put his ice cream in the cup holder and handed his own napkin to Kurt. "It's okay, baby. It's okay to miss her."

"I hate that I had to leave all my friends because of him," Kurt said fiercely. Blaine didn't need to ask who he was talking about. "I could have put up with everything else. Azimo would have kept throwing slushies at me, but he didn't want to _kill_ me. Puck used to throw me in the Dumpster every morning, but he never wanted me dead. Before I left, he said..." Kurt's voice broke. "He said they could be like my Secret Service. Noah Puckerman would have been my bodyguard! And Finn, and Sam...even Coach Sylvester was going to look out for me. But it wouldn't have made any difference. You saw him. He was going to keep coming after me as long as I was there."

"You're not there anymore. You're safe now. You're safe at Dalton." _With me_ , he added silently.

"I don't belong at Dalton."

"Kurt—"

"I don't. Everyone is so nice, but it's not...I just don't fit in." Kurt shrugged. "And there isn't even anyone else for me to not fit in with."

"What about me?"

"You're the Big Man on Campus! They should put you on the brochure!"

Blaine decided not to mention that his picture actually was in the Dalton Academy brochure. "Are you saying you want to go back to McKinley?" he asked.

"I don't know."

That meant yes, Blaine knew it meant yes, Kurt just didn't want to say so. Blaine reached over and put his hand on Kurt's shoulder. He wanted to reassure his boyfriend, but he also wanted to reassure himself. He wanted to say "Please don't leave me." He wanted to say "I love you." But he still wasn't sure if it was true, and he didn't want to manipulate Kurt. They said that if you loved someone, you had to set them free. He didn't want to let Kurt go, but he did want him to be happy.

"Kurt, if you wanted to go back," Blaine said carefully. "We could still be together."

"I want to be with you, Blaine. I just want to be with my friends too. I want to wear my own clothes. I want Carole to be able to relax on the weekends instead of going to work."

"And you want to go to Nationals."

"But I can't. Why are we even talking about this? I can never go back." Kurt wiped his nose again and put the dirty napkins in his empty ice cream cup.

Blaine wasn't going to be grateful to Karofsky, especially not for terrorizing Kurt. It would be wrong to be glad that Kurt was afraid to leave Dalton, to hope that fear would keep him there through graduation. He suddenly remembered Kurt with Pavarotti's cage, and the Burberry plaid cover he'd made for it. Did Kurt feel like Dalton was his cage? His safe, warm, designer cage? He didn't want Kurt to stay at Dalton just because he felt trapped there by the rest of the world. "Maybe something will happen with Karofsky. Maybe he'll get expelled."

"He was expelled before," Kurt said in a flat voice. "He came back."

"Well, maybe he'll run away and join the Army or something. You could go back then."

"Would that be okay with you?"

Blaine took a deep breath and said one of the hardest things he'd ever had to say. "Yes." He squeezed Kurt's shoulder. "If that was what you wanted, it would be okay with me. As long as it was safe."

The subject came up again a few days later, when Blaine and Kurt were at the Lima Bean after school with some of the girls from New Directions. They all gossiped for a while about the latest news, like Finn accidentally punching Rachel in the face and breaking her nose. She was okay, but the incident had left her contemplating a nose job. Mercedes and Tina were opposed, but Santana thought she should go for it.

Once this subject was exhausted, Mercedes said "You haven't asked us anything about our New York trip."

"Is it because it's too painful?" Tina asked.

Kurt nodded. "Yes, as a matter of fact! But while the New Directions are preparing to perform at Nationals, the Warblers are preparing to perform at a nursing home in a strip mall next to a National Bank." He forced a smile. "But I'm so proud of you guys!"

"We miss you so much," Tina said sadly.

"Isn't there any way you could come back to McKinley?" Mercedes added.

It didn't seem likely, especially not so close to the end of the school year, so it wasn't too difficult for Blaine to be the supportive boyfriend. "I told him, I would be all for it if it wasn't for Karofsky."

Santana had been spacing out ever since the conversation turned away from Rachel's nose, but she looked up now. "Wait, what did you just say?"

"Kurt needs to be safe," Blaine explained. He was a bit surprised that Santana was taking an interest, or that she had even wanted to come to see Kurt at the Lima Bean with Mercedes and Tina. According to Kurt, Santana had never really been friends with any of them. Then again, she had cared enough about Kurt to take on Karofsky on the night of the benefit concert.

"Okay, can we please change the subject?" Kurt said.

"I'm just saying that I'd like you to have the chance to go to Nationals too. As long as it was safe."

"It isn't safe though, and there's nothing we can do about that." Blaine didn't like to hear Kurt talk like that, like he'd given up hope.

"There must be something," said Mercedes.

Santana had been spacing out again, but now she jumped up from her seat. "I've got to gay. Go! I've gotta go."

Blaine smiled, wondering if this was a Freudian slip. Kurt had told him Santana seemed to have "kind of a Xena and Gabrielle thing" going with Brittany, the _really_ blonde cheerleader, and at Rachel's party she had asked Blaine about schools for girls. Blaine wasn't sure his gaydar was calibrated for lesbians, but it was possible. That would explain why she was sympathetic towards Kurt despite not being his friend, and why she didn't like Karofsky.

By the end of the week, Blaine was once again wondering if he was the most clueless person alive. Santana had declared her love for Karofsky, who was apparently happy to use her as a beard. They were even running for prom king and queen together. She had convinced Karofsky to apologize to everyone in New Directions, form an anti-bullying club with her, and ask Kurt to return to McKinley. Kurt and his dad had a big meeting with the McKinley principal, Karofsky, and his dad, and came away convinced that Karofsky would no longer be a threat to Kurt.

"It turns out this is all Santana's bizarre Lady MacBethian scheme to win prom queen, but he really did seem sorry," Kurt told Blaine on the phone that evening. "He even agreed to form a McKinley chapter of PFLAG with me."

"Wow, that's amazing."

"You were right all along, Blaine. Something did happen with Karofsky, and I can go back now."

Blaine wasn't sure he wanted to have been right about that, but Kurt sounded so happy. "That's great. When will you start back at McKinley? Monday?"

"No. Tomorrow!" Kurt squealed. "Effective at noon. I'm picking out my outfit right now. This is the perfect opportunity to wear my new top hat."

"Tomorrow? That's...so soon." He'd thought he'd have at least the rest of the week with Kurt at Dalton.

"The sooner the better, we've got a lot of rehearsing to do before Nationals. I've got to go help Carole with dinner, but I'll see you at the Lima Bean tomorrow after school, okay?"

"I'll be waiting for you," Blaine said.

"Well, _à bientôt, mon chéri_."

" _Babay_ , baby."

Blaine set his phone down on his desk. He wasn't sure what to do now. He definitely was not going to cry. It wasn't like they'd broken up. He'd see Kurt tomorrow afternoon at the Lima Bean, the same as always. Blaine had absolutely nothing to cry about. He should do something useful instead, like tell the Warblers Council that Kurt was gone. They had another nursing home gig coming up, and they wouldn't be able to do "A Little Bird Told Me" without him.

There were still lots of other songs they could do for the little old ladies of Minerva Park. Blaine knew tons of old standards. Patti Page's "You Belong To Me". Eddie Fisher's "I Need You Now". Vic Damone's "You're Breaking My Heart". Changing the setlist was not going to be a big deal. It would be stupid to cry about it.

The room was too hot. Blaine needed some air. He grabbed his coat and went for a walk across Dalton's back campus. There wasn't anyone else around, which was good because Blaine didn't want to see anyone. He came to the maple tree where he and Kurt had buried Pavarotti and sat down on the ground. Was this the place where it had started to end? Had he been losing Kurt almost as long as they'd been together?

He looked at the grave marker Kurt had made for Pavarotti and sighed. He was being stupid again. He was being stupid and melodramatic. Kurt wasn't dead. Kurt hadn't forgotten him. He was just going back to his old school. Blaine was in shock because it had all happened so quickly, but it wasn't some awful tragedy. He needed to find a way to deal with this.

Blaine looked up at the branches over his head and had an idea. It was either a very good one or a very bad one, he wasn't sure. He knew who to ask, though. He had to talk to Mercedes. He ran back to his room to get his phone.

An hour later, Blaine went to the dining hall to find Wes, David, and Thad. He broke the news that Kurt was transferring back to McKinley and explained his plan. Wes was a little reluctant, saying "I don't mean to be insensitive, but you do remember what happened the last time we did something like this?" Blaine assured him that he'd already checked with Kurt's best friend, and pointed out that the situation was quite different this time. The Council agreed to call an emergency meeting of the Warblers. By curfew everything had been worked out.

The Warblers arrived at McKinley just before noon the next day. They'd had to skip fourth period, but no one was too upset about that. Blaine led the way to the concrete steps outside the school, where Mercedes had said she'd be waiting with Kurt and their other friends. Everyone was there, just like she'd promised. Kurt's mouth dropped open when he saw Blaine, with Wes and David standing behind him.

Blaine had prepared a little speech. "Kurt, Dalton's going to miss you. You were a great addition to the Warblers, and you made us a better team. I'm sad to see you go, but we all know this is something that you really want. And I'll still have you after school and on the weekends, but these guys won't, so they wanted to say goodbye."

"And thank you, Kurt," Wes added.

Kurt looked really touched, and they hadn't even started singing yet. Blaine had thought of the song, Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know", the evening before when he was sitting under Pavarotti's tree. It was about being alone, and being afraid of losing someone, and wanting to go with them to a special place that no one else knew about. It was the best song Blaine knew to express how he felt.

He began singing, and all the other Warblers came down the steps to join in. The McKinley jazz combo, who Mercedes had asked to help out, came in on cue. It was perfect, it was like a movie, it was like every musical that Kurt and Blaine loved, only it was real. Blaine was going to sing his heart out for Kurt.

"And if you have a minute, why don't we go talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything, so why don't we go somewhere only we know?"

Blaine took Kurt's hands and led him down the steps to say goodbye to the rest of the Warblers. They filed past one by one, clasping Kurt's arm and slapping him on the back. Then Finn and Mercedes each gave Kurt a big hug. He was crying now, and Blaine was crying too. He was past being able to hold anything back.

As the song ended, Kurt threw his arms around Blaine. Blaine held him as tightly as he could. He didn't want to let go, but he knew he would have to. This was the right thing for Kurt, and his family, and all his friends here at McKinley. He'd see Kurt in a few hours, which wasn't a long time even if it seemed like forever right now, and Kurt would tell him all about his first day back. Blaine would be happy for him, he _was_ happy for him even though he felt like his heart was being ripped in half, because this was what Kurt wanted.

"I'm never saying goodbye to you," Kurt whispered.

That was the moment when Blaine knew for sure that he was in love with Kurt, although he wouldn't say it out loud for the first time until a month later, after Nationals.


	10. This Could Be the End of Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title sounds a bit grim doesn't it? But all it means is that this is the last chapter and the end of the story. Thanks again to all my readers and reviewers. This is only my second serious fanfiction, so it's really nice to know that people have enjoyed it. It's been good writing experience for me, since this story has turned out to be a lot longer than I thought it would be! This whole thing started because while I liked the character of Blaine I didn't feel I really understood him. I wanted to try doing something from his perspective, and to see if I could find a way to explain some events during Season Two that had bothered or puzzled me. I hope that I've been successful in creating a coherent, plausible inner life for Blaine.
> 
> I had wanted to get this up before the _Glee_ Season Three premier, but since I didn't get it finished in time I did make a few revisions to make it consistent with 3x1 "The Purple Piano Project". No real spoilers though, since this is set months earlier. I just didn't want to actually contradict anything that occurred in the premier.

**Now:**

"If we'd won Regionals, would you have stayed?"

"At Dalton?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that would have given me one more reason to want to stay. I would have wanted to go to Nationals. With you." Kurt sighed. "But it wouldn't have been the right thing to do. It would have cost almost $5,000 for me to stay at Dalton until the end of the year. That's a lot of money for my family. Once it was safe for me at McKinley, it would have been selfish to ask my dad and Carole to keep sending me to Dalton just so I could go to New York with my boyfriend. Especially since we're going to go to New York anyway."

Blaine looked up at Kurt. "Just one more year." Then they'd be in college, in New York City. They'd get student rush tickets for every Broadway show, they'd have picnics in Central Park, they'd go window shopping on Fifth Avenue, they'd find some cool little coffee shop in Chelsea or the Village to be their regular hangout. Even if they had to eat ramen noodles every day it would be worth it, because they'd be in New York. Together.

"One more year," Kurt agreed. "Then we'll graduate and get out of here. But if I'd stayed at Dalton until then, I wouldn't ever have known that Karofsky was really sorry. I would have hated him and been afraid of him forever. And all the closeted gay kids would have been afraid of him too. I know they're there, Blaine. There's not much I can do to help them, but I can show them that it's possible to be out and still have friends and be happy. It means something for me to be at McKinley."

"You're so brave, Kurt."

Kurt laughed. "Mostly I'm just stubborn."

"No, you are," Blaine said. He pushed himself back on the bed until his head was next to Kurt's. "And you helped me to be brave too. I've done so many things that I was afraid of because of you."

"We helped each other. That's why we're such a good couple." Kurt turned on his side so they were facing each other. "Does it bother you a lot that I went back to McKinley?"

"No. Some. A little," Blaine admitted. "I wanted you to stay with me at Dalton, but I knew that going was the right thing for you. Like the end of _Casablanca_." He tapped Kurt on the chin. "You're Ingrid Bergman."

"I know I am." Kurt smiled. "I have the perfect hat, too."

"Only you weren't leaving me for another guy, so it wasn't even as bad as that. I just...I wondered if there was anything I could have done differently. If I could have made you happier at Dalton."

"You made me so happy." Kurt brushed his fingertips over Blaine's face. "You still do. I just couldn't stay at Dalton anymore. It wasn't about you. I'd love it if we could still be at the same school. Maybe you could transfer to McKinley."

"Oh, Kurt, I don't know about that." Blaine had never actually considered this as a possibility. He liked it at Dalton. "The Warblers..."

"See, it's not easy to leave all your friends," Kurt said sadly. "Not even for someone you really care about."

"I can think about it."

Kurt blinked at him. "Really?"

"I'm not saying it's going to happen, but I'll think about it." Maybe he could convince his parents. Maybe he could make it okay with the Warblers. Maybe he could be brave enough to face public school again. For Kurt. "I want to be with you every day, Kurt."

Kurt's eyes were sparkling again. _How does he do that?_ Blaine wondered.

"If I say that you're beautiful, will you get mad at me again?" Blaine asked. Kurt silently shook his head. Blaine took Kurt's hand in his. "Kurt Hummel, you are the most beautiful boy I know. I mean that in every way. I'm sorry for anything I ever did to make you doubt that. It makes me feel good just to look at you and know that we're together."

"You make me feel good too," Kurt said, smiling. "Let's not talk anymore." He rolled onto his back, pulling Blaine on top of him.

They kissed slowly, deeply. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's shoulders. There was none of the strange, frightened urgency from before. This was about being close, and how good it felt to be pressed against each other. Their lips parted and Blaine pulled back just enough to unbutton Kurt's collar. He moved his lips to Kurt's neck, leaving a trail of kisses all the way down to his collarbone. He felt Kurt's feet twitching happily as Blaine nuzzled the crook of his neck, felt his hips jerk up _oh yes_ as Blaine began to suck on the soft, soft skin there...

"I'm coming up the stairs, just in case anyone needs to put their pants on!" Finn bellowed from the bottom of the staircase.

Blaine's head snapped up. A frustrated hiss escaped from between Kurt's teeth. "Dammit, Finn," he muttered. Blaine rolled left and Kurt rolled right, off the bed and onto his feet, yelling "We are perfectly decent, and you have a filthy mind!"

Blaine was on his feet quickly too. He checked his hair in the mirror. His gel had mostly held. A few quick pats and everything was more or less where it should be. He didn't want to look like he'd been doing a lot more with Kurt than they'd actually been doing. Meanwhile, Kurt was buttoning the collar of his shirt. Both boys managed to get themselves situated demurely on the couch before Finn's heavy footsteps reached the top of the stairs.

The bedroom door had been left ajar, in compliance with Mr. Hummel's rules. Finn pushed it all the way open. "Hey guys, Mom wants to know if Blaine is staying for dinner. She's making lasagna."

It was still kind of amazing to Blaine that all this was okay with Kurt's family. His own father had mostly come to grips with the fact that Blaine was the way he was and nothing was going to change him, but Blaine couldn't have invited Kurt up to his room at home. Not even with the door open. It would just be too awkward. Yet while Kurt's dad had initially viewed him with some suspicion and Finn still seemed worried that he'd walk in on something X-rated, the Hummel-Hudson clan had quickly accepted Blaine as Kurt's boyfriend with all rights and privileges thereof.

"Do you want to stay, Blaine?" Kurt asked. "I've got a tiramisu cooling in the fridge."

"Sounds great." Definitely better than the Dalton dining hall on a Sunday night.

"Cool, I'll tell Mom," Finn said. "Everything should be ready in about half an hour." He turned to leave, then stopped. He looked at the bed, or rather the disheveled blanket on the bed. He looked back at the boys on the couch and said "Oh, and Blaine? Keep it above the waist." Then he was gone, pounding back down the stairs like a herd of buffalo.

"Honestly, he is worse than my dad," Kurt said.

"It's kind of cute how he worries about you." Cuter than Mr. Hummel would have been about it, that was for sure.

"I don't think he's worried about _me_. I think he's worried that I'm getting more action than he is."

Blaine put his arm around Kurt. "Are you?"

"Well, he is back together with Rachel now. So yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm getting more action." Kurt leaned against him. "They may manage to catch up over the summer, though. While you're gone."

"You know, I don't have to go to that Six Flags audition. Not if you don't want me to." Blaine had been thinking about it. His only choices for the summer were to go home to his parents' house or find a job. Performing at Six Flags would be a good opportunity, but he'd be hundreds of miles from Kurt. Staying at home would be boring and lonely and he wouldn't get to see Kurt much anyway, but he'd be geographically closer and much less busy. He could probably manage to escape to Kurt's house a few times.

"No, Blaine, I want you to," Kurt said.

"Are you sure?"

"Is this _Casablanca_ again? You want to do it and it'll be good experience for you, so yes, I want you to. If you don't get on that plane, you'll regret it," Kurt said, quoting from the movie. "I'm just going to miss you."

"Maybe I won't even get cast."

"Then I'll have to console you." Kurt patted Blaine on the leg. "But you'll get cast. You're one of the best performers I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of show choirs."

That reminded Blaine of something. "Hey, do you remember the first time we met?" he asked. Kurt nodded. "Did you know who I was then? I mean, did you know I was the soloist for the Warblers?"

Kurt shook his head. "No. I didn't even know you were a Warbler until you started singing."

"Why did you stop me, then?"

"I didn't know what was going on and I figured I'd better ask someone."

"That was it?" Blaine asked. "It was just because I was there?" That meant it could have been anyone. Kurt could have stopped any of the other guys rushing down the stairs, and he and Blaine might never have met.

"Well, I thought you looked nice." Kurt smiled. "I was right."

"Wow. All this time I thought you must have come looking for me because I was the new soloist."

"I wasn't that good of a spy." He shrugged. "You hadn't even had a solo in competition yet, remember?"

"You could have looked on our Facebook page."

"Okay, I was really not a good spy at all. Are you happy?"

"Yes. Because we met anyway." Blaine hugged Kurt, his sweet, sarcastic, beautiful boyfriend. Despite the odds, despite the misunderstandings, despite all the millions of ways things could have gone wrong, they were together now. They had each other. "I must just be really lucky. All this and tiramisu. I love you."

"I love you too."

"That time it sounded like you meant it."

"I do."

* * *

THE END


End file.
